Branding, And Thank You

So I’ve been thinking about this blog lately and how I treat it as more of a diary where I put anything and everything I’ve been thinking about in and how that approach doesn’t really help with branding.

It’s a somewhat of a douchey term, but a real one nonetheless, where a thing (or a brand) portrays a certain something that is consistent and people can get behind easily enough. Like, say, Levi’s. They brand themselves as a denim maker, and even though they might make other things such as wallets or shirts or whatever, a casual consumer would always associate Levi’s with jeans.

In terms of people, let’s take the brand of Zizan Razak. He’s most known to the general public as a comedian, and even though he does do other things (rapping, for instance), people will always tend to associate him with being someone you want to make you laugh. That’s just the way he has been branded, either on purpose or otherwise.

And I guess branding makes sense in the sense that it allows people to kind of know what to expect from a certain thing or person. It facilitates our need to put people in boxes and label them, because life’s easier like that. Nobody wants to go to a Sephora and suddenly see that they’re trying to sell bedsheets and only bedsheets for a whole week, right?

For myself as a consumer as well, I always go to The Needle Drop to get well thought out, well articulated music reviews from a person who has a good sense of humour but takes music very seriously when need be. If one day I go there and suddenly see that he’s trying to sell cupcakes, I’d click off that video rather quickly (unless it’s a joke lah).

But over here in this blog, there’s a lot going on. In this year alone, here is where I put my rap lyrics, my poor attempts at music reviewing, me expressing my feelings about not being an adequate writer, my insecurities as a primary school teacher, and my thoughts and reflections as a husband. Basically, a branding nightmare.

But I guess this blog doesn’t function as a place to brand myself. I guess this blog is a place where I can be myself, in my entirety. Where I don’t need to fit into any boxes except for the one labelled “Noor Anwar Hadi bin Noor Azman” and whatever that brings. I guess that’s the thing about being human. We’re not brands. We’re not simple beings. We’re complex. There are more than one or two sides to any person out there, and even though branding is convenient, it sure isn’t the best portrayal of people. 

So I guess a thank you is in order for anyone and everyone who has read whatever I’ve been writing here. You might not be interested in everything I have to talk about, but your insistence on reading anyway just goes to show that you are at least interested in me. Dull, incompetent, uninformative me. And for that, I show appreciation. Thank you.

Masa Lepas

So a few days back I started reading this book called "Tuhan Bukan Manusia" by Zharif Zainuddin. I intend to review it by the end of the month in video form.

But I got stuck on chapter four, where the protagonists were talking about regret over the past and stuff like that, and I decided to make a song based on the chapter. The name of the song was decided just earlier today, which is "Masa Lepas". I spent four days making this song, the longest time I've ever spent making a song. This is also the longest song I've made to date. It was challenging, but I'm glad I got it done.

I just finished recording the song a few minutes ago, so if you want to give it a listen, you can head on over to www.soundcloud.com/inianwarhadi .

Here are the lyrics to the song:

Masa Lepas by Anwar Hadi

Alangkah lebih indah

jika semua masalah

kancah masa kini yang membuat aku gelisah

dapat aku berpisah

pindah juga berhijrah

ke masa silam yang lebih mudah

lebih dijajah dengan segala hasanah

hidup umpama hadiah

mengenangkan betapa bertuahnya hidup aku

tenangkan jiwaku

bebaskanlah aku daripada dibelenggu

hukum alam waktu

sana sini wara wiri

masa kini rasa tiri

ku lebih senang sendiri

dalam alam silam cari

selam rendam dalam memori

aku pergi aku mari

lebih manis setiap kali

jadi jangan kau beriku pandangan itu

tempat ni terlalu asing terlalu baru

biarkanku bercandu dengan masa lalu

biarkanlah aku bercandu

Kita tak akan terlepas daripada masa lepas

Aku tersilap

kalaulah aku tak cakap ku tutup mulut sekejap

mungkin aku tak dilokap sesal-sesalan tergelap

tiap malam aku singkap apa yang patut ku ungkap

aku terlalu cemerkap

kenapa jadi begini?

Dulu aku berjanji nak menjaga tak memaki

kini telah aku bukti bila payah ku lisani

kata yang hanya sakiti mereka yang ku sayangi

terus aku sendirian

temanku hanya rintihan

penyesalan 

kebodohan

beriku sebab aturan kejam ini diberikan kepadaku sang cebisan

mungkin aku memang celaka

memang ditakdirkan untuk neraka

dan azabku diawal ke dunia

oleh sebab mulutku yang puaka

aku celaka

Kita tak akan terlepas daripada masa lepas

Sang Adam dan Sang Hawa

buat dosa jatuh dunia

fikirlah. Kamu rasa itu tak disengaja?

Tolonglah. Jangan terlalu naif

setipa perkara berlaku dah tentu ada motif

Lauh Mahfuz dicipta degan komprehensif

Kun Fayakun, ini kalimah tiada kontraseptif

tukar perspektif

Salah tak bermaksud silap

anggap setipa hempap hinggap

demi gilapmu ke tahap

yang lebih dekat ke bahan jadianmu

supaya bau syurga bila kau jadi abu

jatuh kedalam lubang jangan lupa untuk belajar

kau sengaja disungkurkan agar dapat kau sedar

yang engkau cumalah manusia

didalam tanganmu tiada kuasa

sedar luka yang kau terima itu disengaja

tundukkanlah egomu wahai anakanda

Writer Lens

So I’m in a bit of a rut right now, staring at the laptop screen not knowing what to write.

I remember last year, when I was in that “write every damn day” thing, I saw the world a little differently than I do now. I tried to look at everything from an angle of “okay, so how would I write about that?”

It was a weird lens to put have on, and to have on, and even weirder to have them on all the time too. I remember asking myself that question constantly whenever any stimulus came my way, that is to say whenever a fellow teacher told me something, or whenever a student did or said something (sometimes they don’t even do or say anything and I’d still ask the question), or whenever an interesting tweet came up on my timeline. It was always a question of how I would write about that thing.

Like, I remember this one time, when a teacher was telling me something, and midway through her talking to me, I got lost in my own train of thoughts as I was trying to figure out a way to write about something she was telling me, and I had to say “sorry, what was that?” when I finally snapped out of it and figured out that I had no idea what she was telling me. So it’s like that.

Not to say that I ended up writing all that much, anyway. I always found ways to say that a thing wasn’t interesting enough to write about, and when I did find myself saying that a thing was interesting enough, I still procrastinated on typing the stuff out, eventually leading me to either forgetting about it, or eventually having something else to write about instead.

I don’t ask myself that question throughout my day that much anymore. Heck, today I didn’t ask it even once. I struggle to remember how many times I’ve asked myself that question these past few months. I’d be surprised if the total was more than the amount of fingers I have (I have ten, in case you were wondering). 

And as a result, I think I’m less observant a person. I gloss my eyes over a lot of things, not bothering to ask questions about things, not being critical about things a lot of the time, just float on by living my life from day to day. And I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

On the one hand, constantly being in writer-mode allows me to be critical of things more of the time, and makes me craft words in my head regularly while experiencing the world. But on the other hand, it also makes me feel detached to my surroundings. It’s almost as if I’m trying my best to look at things from afar, seeing life as more of a story of which I have very little part to play in. I cannot vouch for how healthy this may be as a member of a community or society. I might come off (to myself as well as other people) slightly less than human.

And about the opposite thing if I have my writing lenses off. I ask less questions about the world, and am less ready to write about things in general. But it can also be construed as allowing the world to rotate while one fades into nothing, so that something special may happen. Although I do like the sentiment of that, it also doesn’t get me to write much of anything. And if I were a super talented person, then I might be able to not write anything for years and years and then with a kaboom write a Nobel prize winning masterpiece in one go, but I do not see myself as that person. 

I see myself as a person who needs a lot of practice, a lot of hard work just to be as good as the next person, and if I want to be better, then it takes even more work. So I find having that writer-lens thingy to be helpful in the regard that it helps me practice and get better. At least, I hope I do.

So after talking to the wife about it a little, she said something that made sense, which was balance. I just have to find a balance between experiencing life and writing about it. Experience life to the fullest while it’s going on, and have the ability to re-experience those things as a writer when I’m in the process of writing things down. I say that as if it were an easy thing to do. It’s not (I chuckle to myself at this point because every time anyone says “it’s not”, my brain reminds me that it sounds a lot like “it’s snot”). But like most good things, it’s worth doing, even if it’s not easy (lol, it’s snot easy).

Building Relationships Or Increasing Test Scores?

So today was the first day of school. 

Not much to say there, except for probably the fact that this year is the first year I’m being put in charge of a class. I am now the class teacher for a standard two class, and I am unfamiliar with all of the students in it (as I am unfamiliar with the other two classes I will be teaching this year), so today was a whole day of trying to remember people’s names. Not the funnest of things to do, but personally, I find that the sooner I remember my students’ names, the easier it will be for me in the future, not only for classroom management (since I can call out individual names from way across the room if and when a situation calls for it), but also for getting closer to my students. I don’t want them to feel like I’m just there to babysit or even work. I want them to feel like I’m there to help them (because I do want to help them), and if I don’t even bother to learn their names, what would convince them that I would be bothered to do anything else, right? I don’t know, that may be a flawed logic, but it’s my flawed logic, so chill it, skillet.

I remember a TED talk video I watched last year (link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFnMTHhKdkw ) that talked about the importance of building a relationship, or rather, a connection with your students, and there was one quote from her that I liked very much which went something like “kids don’t learn from people they don’t like,” in response to some other teacher saying “I get paid to teach, not to be liked.”

Her saying that made me think back to all the times I liked or disliked a subject, and true enough, the subjects that I liked and excelled in were the ones in which I admired the teacher who was teaching it. I also remember the subjects in which I didn’t like and wasn’t motivated to learn in, and they were taught by teachers that I did not like. When put head to head with each other, I certainly learned more from teachers that I liked instead of the teachers I disliked.

So working towards being liked by your students isn’t something “extra” that you do, or one that comes with your “style of teaching”. I think as professional teachers, we should make a conscious effort towards being liked by our students, because it is an integral part of the teaching and learning process. At least in my view, it is.

And so I joke around with my students. Kacau them to lighten their day. Play with them whenever I can (since these are little kids we’re talking about), as long as by the end of it, no damage is done to the teaching and learning process. Sure, I may get through content a little slower, since I take the trouble to come up with games and see them through to the end instead of force-feed my students worksheets, but I think by the end of it the students benefit from all that. They like me more, and so they learn more from me. 

That is the hope, at least. If it is the case, then it sure has a hard time showing itself in the exam results. And maybe that’s why I’m not a good teacher. Because I seem to focus more on building relationships than increasing test scores. I dunno man. I dunno.

My 10 Albums of 2015

I told myself I’d make this list on the blog, and so I shall, even if it is three days too late. Here are my 10 picks for 2015 Albums Of The Year.

Before I get into the list, I should clarify that these records are only the ones that were chosen by myself throughout the year that was 2015 as the ones that I enjoyed the most. The field was very limited, as only the albums that were released in 2015 that I have listened to were up to make the list. I’m sure there were a lot of other fantastic records that were released last year. It’s just unfortunate that I wasn’t able to listen to a lot of them. 

And the records I include in this list made the list only because I enjoyed and played them more than other records throughout the year. It’s not to say that Lupe Fiasco’s Tetsuo and Youth didn’t make the list because it was lyrically inferior, or that Alabama Shakes’ Sound & Colour wasn’t great, it’s just that I didn’t play them as much, that’s all. I’m putting this list out there in the hopes that you dear reader will be intrigued by any one of these albums (if you haven’t listened to them yet) and would have thoughts on your own regarding an album so that we can talk about it (if you have listened to any of them).

So here we go, my top ten, roughly divided by genre, arranged in no particular order:

HIP HOP

To Pimp A Butterfly by Kendrick Lamar

Okay, I confess: I lied about the list being arranged in no particular order. This right here is the undisputed number one of the list. The rest are at number two. It’s just that good. If you ever had doubts as to whether a hip-hop album could ever be taken seriously as a piece of art, this right here will make you believe. Enough said.

The Night Took Us In Like Family by L’Orange and Jeremiah Jae

This album’s use of sound samples from old black and white movies provide a very warm and thematic feel to the album, and it made me feel like I was watching an old James Bond slash mafia movie just by listening to the album. Jeremiah Jae’s cryptic and laid back delivery provides for a compelling listen as he assumes the role of protagonist in this film noir musical experience. He just sounds so good on these L’Orange beats.

Compton: A Soundtrack by Dr Dre

I didn’t expect to like this record as much as I did. Dr Dre did good by getting together some really banging beats and pairing them with awesome features, proving once again that if anyone has an ear for who goes on what song, it’s him. He didn’t skimp out on the songwriting either, with each track giving the listener a different side to what it means to be a Dr Dre.

So The Flies Don’t Come by Milo

I don’t know what to say about this album, really. It’s just Milo doing his thing on some atmospheric, strange beats. He does sound angrier than his usual calm and collected self, and he touches on more political issues than a Milo listener would come to expect, but it’s all good front to back music still. I kept coming back to this one and just couldn’t push stop on it for quite a while.

ROCK

Currents by Tame Impala

Okay, so this might not be quite as rock-sounding as their previous record, but it’s a good album nonetheless. I enjoyed it loads, and as a listener, it was clear to me that there was a theme to the album: moving on. Putting together an album’s-worth of songs about moving on and making them all interesting from beginning to end is no easy feat, but Kevin Parker of Tame Impala came through with something special. I’m still listening to this one today.

Commemorate! by Dirgahayu

The only local album to make my list, this band has produced a post-rock extravaganza that kept me engaged throughout the album. I’m not the biggest fan of post-rock, since I find myself switching off rather easily midway through a song, but these guys didn’t allow that to happen at all and took me on a roller-coaster ride of a music listening experience in each individual song. I hope they continue to expand and make good music.

Painted Shut by Hop Along

I couldn’t stop listening to this one when it first came out. The first ten seconds of the album kept me on it for the who forty minute ride, and got me returning for more and more. I’m going to be a fan of this band for a while, methinks.

OTHERS (MOST POP)

25 by Adele

Again, another album I wasn’t expecting to like as much as I do. When the first single, “Hello” was released, I had my reservations. But the more I listened to the whole album, the more I fell in love with it. Sure, it’s not as good as 21 (as any Adele fan would tell you), but it’ll still have you belting out song after song unashamedly in your car.

Short Movie by Laura Marling

This one is another grower. As a fan of Laura’s work from the beginning, this album felt more like she let go of a lot of things and wasn’t as meticulous as she always seemed to be, so it does provide for a different listening experience for one Laura fan that is me. But the tunes delivered in this album were still strong and still had me wanting to singalong to not only the words but also the guitar play. 

Have You In My Wilderness by Julia Holter

I came into this album no knowing what to expect (since it was described as “baroque-pop”). I stuck to it until the very last track and found out that I actually enjoyed a lot of the songs on it, making me put it on repeat for quite a while. If you want a different kind of pop, a more beautiful, pretty kind of pop, this record is a wonderful start.

So that’s all in my list of Albums of 2015. I hope to listen to more new albums in 2016 and probably have a more comprehensive list by the end of it. If you have any thoughts regarding any of the albums I listed, do drop me a tweet. Here’s to more good music in 2016.

First Time Husband Thoughts

So I’m a husband now. That’s a thing.

With it has entailed a few things. Right off the top of my head, we’ve moved into an apartment together. It’s been a new experience, with both of us adjusting to each other’s constant presence around each others’ spaces and managing the house, but it’s been good. I’ve always known that I’m an incompetent home manager, so I am more than happy to let her take the reigns and whip the apartment into shape, and do that she has.

Like I said in the previous post, I’ve always felt that our marriage was inevitable ever since we really got to know each other, and living together is just a natural progression of that, so I’m not weirded out so much by us being around each other as soon as we wake up until as soon as we fall asleep. I remember to keep being grateful for it, because we never know what the future holds.

The other day I was driving back to the apartment from getting some stuff from Tesco, and the wife was in the car with me and she fell asleep. I looked over to her and remember thinking to myself “so this is what it feels like to have another half physically here with you.” Since our relationship had always been long distance, this was the most time we had ever spent with each other being this close to each other for this long a time, and it’s certainly the first time we’ve lived together here in Penang, so it’s definitely a change from what I’ve always been used to, which was going wherever I wanted when I wanted for however long as I wanted. 

Now that I have a physical other half to take care of, I have to take her into consideration when making decisions about where I’m going to be, when I’m going to be there and for how long I’m going to be there. It’s definitely a change of pace, but I also a natural progression as well. It is my choice to share the rest of my life with this person, and I’m happy to make the changes necessary to make it work.

I suppose why I’m cool with this arrangement is because I married my best friend. We enjoy each others’ company very much, in conversations, in arguments and even in silence. It’s always comforting to have her around, to know that she’ll be there for me whenever I need her, and I hope to always be there when she needs me. We both realise that for us to work, we have to communicate really well with each other, so we’re both working towards communicating effectively with one another. 

It can sometimes get tough, but we both want to make this work, so we’ll compromise when we have to for the greater good. I have a lot more to learn about her and she about me, and we’re both growing and changing every day. I just pray that we’ll be able to grow well together and be able to be each others’ support system. 

Yesterday, she referred to us as a family. I laughed, not because it was funny, but because I just wasn’t used to it. What she said was true though. We’re now a family of our own. I had always had my parents and brothers in what came to mind when the word family was raised, but now there’s an addition to that picture, and I’ll get used to it, sooner or later. Us both are now our own little family unit that needs to navigate life together, for better or for worse. I just hope that through it all, we’ll be holding each others’ hands.

Looking Back, Looking Forward

So it’s 2016. Such a strange number, two-zero-one-six, isn’t it? 2015 looked more, I dunno, square? Like, more secure, more stable, more planted. Maybe that’s just because it’s more familiar. Yeah, maybe that’s it.

Before I say hi to the one-six, I’m going to have a look back at the one-five and see what past me left behind for present and future me to reminisce about.

Right off the bat, in regards to this blog, I wrote the most I’ve ever written in this blog in 2015 than I have in any other year. That’s something to smile about.

But, of course, most of that writing was only done in the first half of the year. I sky-dived straight downwards in the second half. I was supposed to write short stories weekly from July onwards, but I only got one done. Some months went by with no posts at all. So it’s not all rainbows and sunshine for you there Anwar. You can definitely work on your consistency. 

It’s not that my goals weren’t realistic (at least I don’t think so). I’ve shown that I am fully capable of writing consistently when I want to (and sometimes when I didn’t even want to either). I think it’s more like I just let go of myself after Ramadhan. I just didn’t bother getting back up on the horse, like I said I would. I shifted my focus from writing consistently to, I don’t know what really. Something else. I just stopped. So this year, don’t stop. Continue.

I also wrote some rap songs. That’s good to know. I now have 15 original songs up on my Soundcloud page, and as a critic of my own work, I’ve seen a slight improvement in the quality of work I’ve been producing from the start of the year towards the latter part of the year. 

I’ve even performed some of those songs on open mic stages and to anyone who was willing to listen. That’s another plus point for yourself, Anwar. Who would have thought that a year after I went to the poetry workshop in the 2014 Georgetown Literary Fest I would be performing my own pieces for the 2015 Georgetown Literary Fest. For that I have to thank Ksatriya for taking me under his wing and giving me a space to grow in. I am grateful that our paths crossed.

This year, I want to start writing more thematically. I want to create more complete works, that have contexts of their own. So less standalone songs and more sets of songs that go together. Having Kendrick Lamar as your main influence does that to you, I guess. 

I also launched my very first physical book in 2015. Wow. I’ve always wanted to author books. And hopefully this is the first of several, if not many. I’m grateful that I have had the opportunity to be published, and I hope that I shall have more opportunities to produce better works. I really want to improve upon myself as a writer, and hopefully that first book shall be viewed as the first and lowest step to other pieces I’ll work on in the future. 

I also managed to get a column in the only newspaper I read, The Star. Sure, it’s in the R.Age section, and it’s a monthly thing, but it’s always been a dream of mine to one day write for that paper, so it feels wonderful to have done that. I need to up my writing game, for sure, to keep up with the high standards I’ve always viewed The Star columnists to have. Hopefully I am able to bring my A-game in all my pieces for them so that I can continue writing for them for a while.

2015 was also a year of good friendships made. I grew close to several people that I now behold dearly in my personal life. Some had to move away by the end of the year because of work purposes, but I am forever grateful that we were able to be as close as we were for the time that they were around. Some continue to be close, so that’s a relief. Some have, from the very start, been long-distance, but through the miracles of Twitter and EnglishJer, we are able to remain close, and meet-up from time to time and grow even closer. 

And by the end of the year, I got married to my best friend. It felt pretty natural, really. I never thought there would be a different outcome from us knowing each other. It’s just that now, I can call her my wife, and I can call myself her husband. Might seem weird, but I’ve always felt that we had always been married, as early as after a month of knowing each other, so the pernikahan didn’t really freak me out that much at all. It just felt like this “finally” kind of feeling. And now we have the rest of our lives to spend together. I think this whole business of being a husband warrants a whole other post, so I’ll save it for that one.

So I’m coming into this year with a few things going and several goals to head towards. I’m going to jinx it all straight from the get go by listing some of those goals here:

write 5 blogposts a week

use one of those blogposts as a rough script for weekly videos to be uploaded to Youtube on Sundays

read every day for at least 20 minutes

make monthly(?) local book review videos

make two rap songs a month, publish them on the 7th and 21st of every month

And I think that’s that. Here’s to a bigger and better 2016, for all of us, one hopes.