Confession

“I have something to confess.” Borhan looked straight into his wife’s eyes while preparing to say what has been weighing on his mind even before they got married twenty-five years ago, but never had the guts to tell, until now.

“What is it Abah?” Aziah had to admit, this was the first time her husband has ever uttered that word, confess.

Borhan took a big gulp. At that moment, their whole relationship flashed before his eyes. How they met as young first-year degree students. How they’d have study-dates up until the small hours of the morning at 24-hour restaurants. How he asked her to marry her after their third year of going out together. The struggles they went through before getting married. The moments he had wanted to tell her this very thing before this. Their wedding day. How they were worried they would get any children after three years of marriage. The moment a miracle in the form of their son came after five years of trying. All the fights they’d had. All the making up they did. Everything they’ve gone through. The thick as well as the thin. They’ve been through it all.

Except this.

“Well come on then, what is it?” Aziah’s heart started to beat faster.

Borhan took a deep breathe. “Before we got married, I slept with someone else.”

The world seemed to drop beneath Aziah’s feet. She immediately felt as if she had entered a dream world, where she could see herself and her husband in their living room, where they had made so many memories. She was floating outside of herself. “What?” she heard herself say.

“It was after the first year of us going out together. I went to a prostitution center and hired one. It was-” Borhan was interrupted by a hard slap across his face.

Aziah’s eyes were flooding and her hand was throbbing. She just wanted to throw something, anything hard towards this person that had the audacity to call himself her husband.

Borhan knew that at this point, anything he said would sound like an excuse, so he kept mouth shut and his head down. He couldn’t bear to look at her wife - was he still qualified to call her that? - in the eye.

Aziah had so many words, most of them cuss words, spiraling in her head like a tornado that she couldn’t get even one word out. She opened her mouth and only sobbing came, after which she dropped down on her backside, not even feeling the thud and cried as hysterically as she has ever cried.

Borhan started to worry about what the neighbours might think, Aziah crying and screaming the way she did. He knew that there was no way he could explain himself in any of them decided to check up on them to see what was going on.

For several minutes, Borhan didn’t know what to do. He was thankful that their son, Alif wasn’t there to see this. He would never forgive himself if he let Alif see this, Borhan knew.

After what seemed like an eternity of crying and when she finally brought herself down to a sob, Aziah noticed that Borhan was still there. She broke out in another fit of crying and just about got the words “Get out!” out of her mouth while pointing towards the door.

Borhan didn’t need to be told twice. He made his way to the door and right before going out, muttered “I’m sorry” to Aziah, although he actually doubted that she heard him.

Aziah laid there throughout the night, not bothering to move from the pool of tears she had made for herself. She didn’t know what to do, so she decided to do the next best thing, which was nothing.