Have you ever been in bed so much that you feel tired. Like getting really exhausted from resting? I feel that all the time on mornings of weekends in which I have no plans. So I’d usually just roll around in bed for copious amounts of time, feeling drained throughout. Then I’d fall back asleep, then I’d wake up feeling even worse.
Come to think of it, I haven’t not felt tired in quite a while now. I think I’ve been in a constant state of tiredness since I turned 20. Doesn’t matter whether I’m at home, the institute, the mall or at school, tired has been my default setting.
I wrote down in my drafts folder, “you know what’s tiring? Being alive, man.” That came from the thought that no matter what we do, or rather, I did, I’d still end up feeling tired, even if I did nothing. So the outcome of everything for me, so long as I’m alive, is being tired.
The question is: do I want to make my exhaustion meaningful or meaningless? Am I going to good about being tired or feel crappy about it?
If I want to feel crappy about it, I can do absolutely nothing, and I’m no stranger to that. I can lie around doing nothing all day without breaking a sweat. I can just click on some links and scroll through 9gag and bring nothing of benefit to the people around me, or even myself, much less the world. I can even procrastinate going to the toilet and bring harm to myself in the process by developing some kidney stones.
If I want to feel good about it, then I’m going to have to do stuff that is meaningful, that helps people in the end, that helps me too, that brings benefit something or someone, that makes the world slightly better place than it was before I did that thing.
So what is your exhaustion going to mean, Anwar?