Last Malaysian Exam (for two years)

"Rinduku masih kau tak peka," Bila Nak Saksi by Spider.

Yes, hopefully the exams that have just passed will be my last time sitting for Malaysian exams for another two years. I don't feel like recapping the exams. I would rather reflect.

Boy, were they hard, I tells ya. But then again, the two subjects (Learning & the Learner and English Language teaching Methodology) were two subjects that I didn't like very much. It wasn't because of the subjects themselves. I think it's more because of the way they were taught.

Sure, I'm not a certified teacher yet, so what I think carries very little weight now, but don't you think that before you produce good teachers, you have to be a good teacher first? Sure, you can say "a good teacher does this, this, and this" but if you don't portray it in your teaching, then we feel like you're being some sort of a hypocrite, not practicing what you preach. And you expect us to pay attention to you and take what you say seriously? I'm sorry, but that's just hard for me to do.

And I'm weak. I know I should be saying "What does that have to do with your progress as a good teacher? If you want to learn, then learn. You don't need to depend on the teacher to give you everything," and I do say it to myself, sometimes. I know I should be intrinsically motivated, and there are even a lot of extrinsic motivation coming from incentives, other lecturers and such. But as I admitted, I have come to realise that I'm weak. I depend way too highly on the teacher teaching the subject for me to be interested in the subject.

Take Classroom Management, for example. I love CM. And I think that Madam M is highly responsible for making me feel this way. Same goes with English Studies and Social Studies (during foundations). I loved those subjects mostly because I loved the way the lecturers taught them. They were definitely inspiring, and I've grown to love literature and social issues because of them.

I remember saying to Hystrix in class,

"Throughout this subject, we've never had even a single meaningful discussion session in ELT. Thus, ELT is meaningless to me."

It surely is a bad thing to say, but it's the truth. I go through each ELT class counting the minutes for it to end, and sadly enough, the teacher has done nothing to rectify this lack of interest problem.

Thus, I feel that as a teacher, I am highly responsible for making my students interested in what I'm teaching. I have to be interesting. I have to grab attention. I have to give meaning to what I teach. I need to instill a sense of love towards me for them to love what I teach, what I say and what I do. Only then will they love learning. Only then will they be intrinsically motivated to learn. Only then will they love knowledge. I hold a lot of power, as a teacher. And with that power comes great responsibility.

Who says teaching is an easy job?

Oh man, this has turned out to be a reflection fit to send in as an assignment. Ugh, how I dislike the formality.

But this is from my heart. It may sound cliche, but at this moment, it is what I truly feel about education and teachers.

Ya Allah, give me the strength to be a better man. A better teacher. Amiin~

Cheers!