Really Want To

I get asked "so you're not making any videos anymore?" Often nowadays, since it's been quite a while since I last uploaded a video on the youtube channel. I usually answer with a "too tired from work" or "don't got ideas oredi" or even "everything I have to say now would end up getting me thrown in jail". While they're all somewhat true, they're all not the main reason. The main reason is that I don't really want to make videos right now.

If I really wanted to do it, I would. I would disregard all the alasans I give myself, or work my way around them in order to make it happen anyway, because that's what people who really want to do something would go about it. What I seem to really want to do nowadays is write, and I try to do it almost everyday, regardless of whether I'm tired from work or if I don't have any ideas. I just do it anyway, because I really want to do it.

So if I really wanted to make videos, I'd pick a time when I'm not too tired to record, edit and upload (most realistically on weekends), and I could just write whatever I want that doesn't get me thrown in jail as a topic if the script, use the phone to record the video and audio, use the lights I have at my disposal and just go ahead and do it. I know how I would go about doing it, but I don't. And the how isn't really the struggle. The struggle is answering the why. 

Why do I write? Because I really want to. Why don't I make videos? Because I don't really want to. Quite simple, non?

What you really want to do is not reflected in what you say you want to do. It's reflected in what you're actually doing. So if you say that you want to jog half-an-hour every day, but you all you do is watch Youtube videos all day, then you don't really want to jog. You want to watch Youtube videos. Whether that's good or bad is up to you. But that's the reality of it.

So are we living consistently with what we preach? Do we say we want something yet do some other thing? Let's be honest with ourselves by actually doing the things we say, or at least don't say what we aren't doing.