#PrayForIna

So I’m in several Whatsapp group (who isn’t nowadays, right?) and the common thing that happens to whatsapp groups is that people post chain texts. You know, those long text messages that gets forwarded like forever by human peoples.

Earlier today, one such piece of text was posted on a group I’m in, and read something like this:

Aku ina. Aku baru bercerai talak satu seminggu lepas. Aku baru je berumur 22 tahun. Punca aku cerai sebab bekas suami aku curang. Tapi aku tak salahkan dia. Dia stress tengok aku yang pemalas. Tak jalankan tanggungjawab.

And then the text goes on and on about how before they got married she could put on a sweet facade, even though in reality she slept until late, didn’t know how to cook, watched a lot of Korean dramas, et cetera, and could be hypocritical for about three days into the marriage before old habits kicked in and caused the husband to find other, more “mature” women. She even goes on to say “baik bela biawak kan?”

She ended the text with some calls to action. To women: don’t be lazy and be more responsible. To men: Don’t marry a person just because they look pretty. To the reader: pray for her. 

#PrayForIna (ini saya sendiri tambah)

The text angered me. I don’t like responding to people in an angry state, so I delayed my response to the text.

I reread it during recess at school and typed out a response. I said something to the effect of:

If the husband cheats, then it’s definitely the husband’s fault, no arguments. I find it hard to accept that this “Ina” character said “tapi aku tak salahkan dia”. The guy is definitely in the wrong for cheating.

I can commend this “Ina” character for wanting to reflect on something that happened to her and improve upon herself and her daily habits. Efforts to be a better person than you were yesterday should be lauded and applauded, and for her to take from this terrible experience thoughts to become a better person in the future is wonderful. You go girl. Kudos to you.

But at the same time, the husband cannot get off the hook that easily. It’s not all your fault, Ina. Your ex-husband is the person who made the decision to cheat on you. Your husband is the one who made the decision to look for other women. Your husband is the asshole. 

When he married you, he made a promise to be with you (and only you) forever and ever, in tough times and in easy times. If the only reason for him to look for other women was because he needed someone to cook and clean, then he wasn’t looking for a wife in the first place, he was looking for a maid.

And to the ex-husband, if you were THAT stressed, you could have talked about it with her, kan? You could have had a discussion, heck, even an argument about it. You could have come to an agreement, to somehow make it work with your wife. You could have given her a chance to improve, to be better, to be able to make you happier (since this is what she wants too, it seems), but you never did that. What did you do instead? You went and looked for other women terus. More “mature” ones, you say. I guess a woman is only mature in your eyes when she is able to wake up early to cook and clean for you. What a sad, sad way to define maturity.

***

I guess my rant in response to the “Ina” story was a rant for myself as well. If I were to ever cheat on my wife (being the terrible person that I am, I am not above that possibility), I would definitely be an asshole. Especially towards a person who tries so hard to be a good life-partner to the soil stain that I am. I guess the things that I said to the ex-husband are the things that I have to say to myself in order to become anywhere near a good enough husband.