Monday, February 15, 2016

Why Arguments Are Necessary In A Relationship

So in the last video I made, I said that arguments are necessary in a relationship, because through arguments you learn about yourself, about your partner as well as about life. And although I still fully stand by that statement, I must concede that it was more of a general and, dare I say it,"safe" statement. 

Anyone could have come up with that statement, really, and it would have carried just as much weight, I would presume. It didn't necessarily sound like it came from a person who had been seasoned in relationships. Not to say that I am all that seasoned at all, it's just that I could have put some more thought into the question of why I think people in relationships can't really run away from getting into arguments with their significant others.

A couple of days ago I had a bit of a chat with one of my brother's friend. She asked an interesting leading question and it eventually got me talking about relationships again and how we can't run away from the fact that people are just so different from each other because of the differing environments in which they were raised.

And through talking about that, I got to a point where I said something to the effect of "often times, we find ourselves at two totally different points of understanding a situation. We desire different things, we put different things as more important than other things, we see things differently, through no fault of our own, of course. But we can't run away from the fact that two people are at two differing points from each other, and for the relationship to work (or continue working), those two points have to move closer and closer to each other until they reach a mutual point of understanding. It's like one person is way over to the left and the other is way over to the right. And for the relationship to work, they need to meet somewhere in the middle. That path to the middle point of convergence is more often than not an argument. The argument is the process that all people in a relationship has to go through to achieve a mutual understanding. It's a difficult path, and sometimes a long one, way longer than anyone would like, but if the people in the relationship want to make it work, they have to go through the process, that path, the argument. And by the end of the process, both parties will come out of it having grown a little bit more, having gone through that hardship together. I suppose both people just have to trust the process for it to continue working. If even one of the people in the relationship stop trusting in the process, then the relationship will be THAT much harder to maintain, since only one person is traversing the path, and the path gets lonely, and humans grow weary and tired. As long as the people in the relationship go through the path together, then it'll continue to work. Hard work, yes, but work it shall."

Now I sound as if I'm a know it all pulak. Baru kawen dua bulan dok sembang serupa pandai boleh Anwat ni. Ugh

But I am thankful to my brother's friend for allowing me to explore that question and arriving to the thoughts that I just typed above. I now have a clearer, more concrete picture of why arguments are necessary in a relationship.

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