One of the things that I never seem to get enough of is sleep. I seem to always be in the mood for a good nap (or two). I always try to sneak naps into my day, more out of necessity than anything else because "sleepy" has somehow become my default setting.
Nowadays I have to drive an hour to get to school and an hour to get back from school. I can usually go to school in the morning smoothly enough (even though it takes a lot of singing at the top of my lungs to keep me awake throughout the trip), but the return trip isn't too easy. It's at the end of work, and I'm usually exhausted. Plus, i've most probably just had lunch, and being in the air-conditioned car, it's a very conducive environment for people (me, specifically) to fall asleep. I usually have to stop by an RnR midway and take a fifteen minute to nap the drowsiness away, or else risk falling asleep on the wheel.
I wasn't always like this. I remember wondering while I was a tween "macam mana orang boleh tertidur dalam kelas?" because it seemed like such an impossible task to me. There was a teacher there to listen to, and catch you out on sleeping, and there was never a moment that allowed any sleepiness to prevail, because when the teacher was out, the class would be so noisy.
The first time I felt sleepy in class was in Form 4. I even terlelap sat. I don't remember what class I was in, which teacher was in front or anything, but I do remember thinking, "Alamak, macam mana aku boleh tertidoq ni?" since it was such a new thing to happen to me: to feel sleepy while in school. Ever since then, I would always be sleepy in classrooms that weren't able to hold my interest for more than five minutes at a time, including (but not limited to) institute lectures, tutorials and talks/forums.
Feeling sleepy all the time like I do now sucks, because you know you're not performing in a way that is optimal. Your energy levels aren't at their best, and your brain just isn't as activated. You get reckless, you forget things, you're slow at processing things. I try my best to not let it be a hindrance, but I know that it's still there, and I could do so many things so much better, if only I weren't as sleepy all the time.
It sounds like I'm making excuses for myself. I probably am. But even if I get hours and hours of sleep in a day, I always wake up and move through my day the same: feeling drowsy. I would love to shake it off, but until I learn how to, I'll learn to live with it being a reality of mine and just try to manoeuvre my way through life in between naps.