So yesterday I watched a Malaysian-made movie called KL24: Zombies. It's only available on Youtube, so if you want to know what I'm talking about, you can click here to watch it before reading any further. You can also continue reading if you don't feel like sitting through an hour and 16 minutes of whatever that movie was and don't mind spoilers.
The movie's basically about a set of related people (some loosely, some not so loosely) who find themselves in the middle of Kuala Lumpur during a virus outbreak. The virus turns people into zombies, and this set of people have to deal with their immediate situations however they see fit. In the end, one of the lead roles (played by Sharifah Amani) finds a cure through a chance encounter with a scientist (who gets killed) and gets rescued by a military helicopter.
I didn't enjoy the movie, for the most part. Straight out of the gate, the acting was really poor, and the writing was almost as poor (which might sound like a compliment, but really isn't). The actors looked like they rehearsed close to zero times (and hey, maybe that's what really happened) and all the feelings and dialogue felt contrived and delivered with the bare minimum of acting required to make it on (a Youtube) screen. Sharifah Amani sure has chops, and she showed some flashes of it here and there, but overall I got the feeling that she wasn't really sold on what she was doing as an actor and thus couldn't deliver her lines with sincerity (or at least something that resembled sincerity, for that matter).
Because it was a made-for-Youtube movie, the thing did not have to go through any national-level screenings, so they were free to disregard any boundaries and limitations that might have been set by the censorship board. The film-makers took advantage of this and maximised their usage of f-bombs and other bleep-worthy words even early on in the film, to the extent that it felt, again, contrived and insincere. Like they were doing it just because they could, instead of making each swear-word count.
I only appreciated one part of the movie, which was the part when Fatimah Abu Bakar was involved. I like that they explored the dynamics of a polygamous marriage, asking questions as to why a man would want to marry multiple wives, and why any woman would enter such a marriage. Fatimah Abu Bakar's performance was easily the best in the film as she played the role of "the old, cynical wife" so convincingly and with such nuance that it was a joy to be able to witness. Apart from a couple of cringe-worthy lines here and there, the writing in this particular section of the movie stood out as being a lot better than the rest of the film. I honestly would have liked the film a whole lot better if it was a short-film involving this section and this section alone. They would have saved so much money and end up with an immensely better piece of work as a whole.
I commend the production for being brave in making this movie. A lot of socio-political critique was going on in the movie, but they didn't overdo it, so thank you for not being preachy about it. It's just that I felt that, for the most part, the movie was a first-draft, something that was made to be re-written and rehearsed better to get some inconsistencies in check before shooting it and putting it out there.
Here's to better local movies in the future.
Friday, January 13, 2017
Thursday, January 12, 2017
Post-Editing Micro MalaysiansThoughts
So yesterday I finally finished reading and editing all the entries for the MICROMALAYSIANS short story anthology for Fixi. In all there were 1,163 submissions, and out of that, 100 made the cut. I wish I could have included more, but that would have meant compromising the quality of the final published book, and we all know how we don't need any more subpar books out there.
The whole experience was a challenging one. I learned that writing a compelling and engaging story in 150 words or less is a lot harder than it sounds. Just about any literate person can write 150 words, but to write something that is memorable, affects and/or entertains the reader within that short amount of time? Tough. I wouldn't be able to do it myself, really. So I have a lot of respect for the ones that got published because they stepped up to the plate and delivered.
I also learned that for a lot of the ones that didn't make the cut, their focus was misguided, in my view. What I received more often than not were what looked like middle-of-the-line, ranty 150-word tweets, when what was asked for were short stories. I'm not saying that what they wrote was wrong. Everybody has a right to write whatever they damn well please. But I guess what I would say to most of the people that didn't get published is: read a whole lot more published short stories. Read a whole lot more published anthologies. Read contest-winning short stories. Analyse and think about what makes them good stories, and take that lesson to guide your own writing.
Another thing that peeved me while reading the submissions were that a lot were very eager to ask rhetorical questions. Here's a definition of rhetorical questions, if you're not familiar:
A rhetorical question is a question that you ask without expecting an answer. The question might be one that does not have an answer. It might also be one that has an obvious answer but you have asked the question to make a point, to persuade or for literary effect.
There're times and places for rhetorical questions, and what I've found is that a 150-word short story is not one of those places. More often than not, they came off condescending to the reader, even if the writer meant well. So I guess these are notes for me as well, as a writer: lay off the rhetorical questions, and you can never get enough reading under your belt.
There are also some things that I have learned about myself throughout this process. I've learned that it takes me about 10 minutes of reading before I start dozing off now, which is an improvement from the 3 minutes I could hold back when I was still a uni student, so improvement yay!
I've learned that I'm a lot more strict with written pieces than I thought. Approving 100 out of 1163 means that for every story I approve, 10 stories do not. I guess having read what little I have read so far has informed me of what short stories should be and what they should give the reader, and I looked for those things in the stories that were submitted. Unfortunately for many of them, what they wrote did not have enough of those elements.
I've also learned that I don't hate editing. This comes as somewhat of a surprise to me, because I have once declared to myself that I hate proof-reading. I guess there's a difference between the two processes. In editing, I could choose what I wanted to proof-read and what I didn't. If the content was good enough to me, then I would proof it. If I didn't like the content, I didn't need to edit it. In proof-reading, there's no such option. What the client sends is what you get, and you have to make the best of what they've given you. Also, I think that in editing, there's a creative element to it, where one can tweak certain aspects of the story in order to make the story pop better. In proof-reading, it's just grammar and sentence-structure, for the most part. A proof-reader has little say over the creative content of the piece, or at least that's how I see it.
Overall, I'm glad that I got the job done, and I'm eager to see how people react to the book. The publishers are currently in the process of looking for illustrators to introduce a visual/graphic element to the anthology, which I think will only enhance the readers' experience of the book, so I'm excited to see how those turn out as well.
Here's to getting more stuff done in the future.
The whole experience was a challenging one. I learned that writing a compelling and engaging story in 150 words or less is a lot harder than it sounds. Just about any literate person can write 150 words, but to write something that is memorable, affects and/or entertains the reader within that short amount of time? Tough. I wouldn't be able to do it myself, really. So I have a lot of respect for the ones that got published because they stepped up to the plate and delivered.
I also learned that for a lot of the ones that didn't make the cut, their focus was misguided, in my view. What I received more often than not were what looked like middle-of-the-line, ranty 150-word tweets, when what was asked for were short stories. I'm not saying that what they wrote was wrong. Everybody has a right to write whatever they damn well please. But I guess what I would say to most of the people that didn't get published is: read a whole lot more published short stories. Read a whole lot more published anthologies. Read contest-winning short stories. Analyse and think about what makes them good stories, and take that lesson to guide your own writing.
Another thing that peeved me while reading the submissions were that a lot were very eager to ask rhetorical questions. Here's a definition of rhetorical questions, if you're not familiar:
A rhetorical question is a question that you ask without expecting an answer. The question might be one that does not have an answer. It might also be one that has an obvious answer but you have asked the question to make a point, to persuade or for literary effect.
There're times and places for rhetorical questions, and what I've found is that a 150-word short story is not one of those places. More often than not, they came off condescending to the reader, even if the writer meant well. So I guess these are notes for me as well, as a writer: lay off the rhetorical questions, and you can never get enough reading under your belt.
There are also some things that I have learned about myself throughout this process. I've learned that it takes me about 10 minutes of reading before I start dozing off now, which is an improvement from the 3 minutes I could hold back when I was still a uni student, so improvement yay!
I've learned that I'm a lot more strict with written pieces than I thought. Approving 100 out of 1163 means that for every story I approve, 10 stories do not. I guess having read what little I have read so far has informed me of what short stories should be and what they should give the reader, and I looked for those things in the stories that were submitted. Unfortunately for many of them, what they wrote did not have enough of those elements.
I've also learned that I don't hate editing. This comes as somewhat of a surprise to me, because I have once declared to myself that I hate proof-reading. I guess there's a difference between the two processes. In editing, I could choose what I wanted to proof-read and what I didn't. If the content was good enough to me, then I would proof it. If I didn't like the content, I didn't need to edit it. In proof-reading, there's no such option. What the client sends is what you get, and you have to make the best of what they've given you. Also, I think that in editing, there's a creative element to it, where one can tweak certain aspects of the story in order to make the story pop better. In proof-reading, it's just grammar and sentence-structure, for the most part. A proof-reader has little say over the creative content of the piece, or at least that's how I see it.
Overall, I'm glad that I got the job done, and I'm eager to see how people react to the book. The publishers are currently in the process of looking for illustrators to introduce a visual/graphic element to the anthology, which I think will only enhance the readers' experience of the book, so I'm excited to see how those turn out as well.
Here's to getting more stuff done in the future.
Saturday, January 7, 2017
Dangal
So last night my wife and I went to see the movie "Dangal", starring Aamir Khan. Short verdict: we enjoyed it very much. It had humour as well as sad parts, and any movie that can make me both laugh out loud and cry is golden in my book. So anyone who feels like watching a family docu-drama can watch that one and be pleased. I highly recommend it.
What was astonishing to me was that the movie was shot in about a year. When I was watching the movie, it looked to me as if it might have taken three years to shoot. I am astounded by the speed in which they were able to complete and release the movie. Within my limited knowledge of film-making, it takes a lot of time to complete a movie. I've always thought of it as a long and gruelling process. But knowing that this movie was done at such a speed, it made me want to be on a Bollywood production set and just learn how they do things and are able to achieve so much within so little time.
Another bewildering thing about the movie is that all the actors and actresses learned to wrestle like real competitive wrestlers. They went for months and months of training to be able to get the right wrestling technique and form. Aamir Khan put on and lost 30kg, all within the span of a year. It takes dedication, hard work and passion, and Aamir Khan certainly displayed that in his preparation for his role.
Some of my favourite parts of the movie (or of any movie, really) is how the filmmakers explored the father-daughter dynamics present in the story. The way they interacted with and reacted to each other seemed genuine and came off as shedding light to what many might be able to relate to in the real world. I say this because I saw my own father in some scenes. The love and support. The determination to help. The knowledgeability in the sport they were most passionate about. The difficulty to communicate at certain points. It touched a place very close to my heart, as a lot of father-child stories tend to do for me.
Of course the movie had its flaws. The establishing parts were rather uncreative with how they wanted to communicate to the audience that Aamir's character was super passionate about wrestling, by telling rather than showing us that fact. At certain points it did get a bit message-y too, where the movie was trying to tell its audience what was right and what was wrong. Not a lot of grey areas to explore, in that regard.
But overall, it was a crowd-pleasery movie, and I left the movie as a pleased member of the crowd. I hope to be able to learn how to do what they achieved in this movie some day.
Here's to learning how.
What was astonishing to me was that the movie was shot in about a year. When I was watching the movie, it looked to me as if it might have taken three years to shoot. I am astounded by the speed in which they were able to complete and release the movie. Within my limited knowledge of film-making, it takes a lot of time to complete a movie. I've always thought of it as a long and gruelling process. But knowing that this movie was done at such a speed, it made me want to be on a Bollywood production set and just learn how they do things and are able to achieve so much within so little time.
Another bewildering thing about the movie is that all the actors and actresses learned to wrestle like real competitive wrestlers. They went for months and months of training to be able to get the right wrestling technique and form. Aamir Khan put on and lost 30kg, all within the span of a year. It takes dedication, hard work and passion, and Aamir Khan certainly displayed that in his preparation for his role.
Some of my favourite parts of the movie (or of any movie, really) is how the filmmakers explored the father-daughter dynamics present in the story. The way they interacted with and reacted to each other seemed genuine and came off as shedding light to what many might be able to relate to in the real world. I say this because I saw my own father in some scenes. The love and support. The determination to help. The knowledgeability in the sport they were most passionate about. The difficulty to communicate at certain points. It touched a place very close to my heart, as a lot of father-child stories tend to do for me.
Of course the movie had its flaws. The establishing parts were rather uncreative with how they wanted to communicate to the audience that Aamir's character was super passionate about wrestling, by telling rather than showing us that fact. At certain points it did get a bit message-y too, where the movie was trying to tell its audience what was right and what was wrong. Not a lot of grey areas to explore, in that regard.
But overall, it was a crowd-pleasery movie, and I left the movie as a pleased member of the crowd. I hope to be able to learn how to do what they achieved in this movie some day.
Here's to learning how.
Thursday, January 5, 2017
Interpersonal Growth
So the honeymoon week of school (which is the first week in the new school) is quickly coming to a close, and I'm getting a sense of what's in store for me in the coming year and four months, and even though it's not bad, I can't say that I'm all too thrilled about it.
As I type, I still have school-related work to get done, work that I'd rather not have to do if I'm honest. A whole lot of documentation-y work, and that is the part of the job that I sigh the most loudly to. Alas, work is work, and teachers have to do what teachers have to do.
Yesterday was the teacher-band's first practice session, and I was assigned as the bassist. We shall be playing for a wedding, if I'm not mistaken, in a couple of weeks' time. In the band is also a full-time professional guitarist who mostly plays hotel and bar gigs. He has a degree in music and has been playing for many years, and watching him play was mesmerising.
He would almost never hit a bad note/chord, and the types of chords that he was playing all look made up, but sounded so good. If he did hit a wrong note, it would be like one in a thousand notes, and he seems to be able to play at 100 notes per second. I exaggerate, but this guy was really something on the guitar. I can safely say that I will never in my wildest dreams be able to play as well as him.
After the practice session I went up to him and asked him about stuff, like whether or not he was a professional guitarist (he was), whether or not he had a band (yes, but they're not very active), and how he got to be so darn good (diploma and degree in music as well as years and years of daily practice).
And in my approaching him to talk, I realised that I had grown in one specific sense. I have developed my ability (and confidence) in talking to strangers. This guitarist was a stranger to me, and we had established nothing in common except for the fact that we jammed together for a couple of hours (no talking though). As far as I've known me, I would never go up to a stranger and start a conversation with them. That's just not what I do. I've always identified with being an introvert, and introverts don't initiate conversations with strangers.
But I somehow mustered up the courage to go up this guy whose guitar-playing I admired and ask him about just that. I was genuinely interested and had thought about talking to him about it throughout our practice session, but I never thought I'd actually do those things.
And in this anecdote, I thought to myself that in 2016, I grew in terms of interpersonal ability. Just the sheer amount of conversations I listened to and participated in via podcasts made me a better conversationalist (at least to myself, compared to the me of the past). I'm glad that I was able to talk to that guitarist and get to hear a bit of his story. It was a concrete display of growth in my books, and being able to see progress in my own self is a great thing to be able to acknowledge.
OF COURSE I have a long way to go. I'm still super awkward and not anywhere near as fluent as I want to be. But I think I'm on my way.
Here's to more conversations with more interesting people.
As I type, I still have school-related work to get done, work that I'd rather not have to do if I'm honest. A whole lot of documentation-y work, and that is the part of the job that I sigh the most loudly to. Alas, work is work, and teachers have to do what teachers have to do.
Yesterday was the teacher-band's first practice session, and I was assigned as the bassist. We shall be playing for a wedding, if I'm not mistaken, in a couple of weeks' time. In the band is also a full-time professional guitarist who mostly plays hotel and bar gigs. He has a degree in music and has been playing for many years, and watching him play was mesmerising.
He would almost never hit a bad note/chord, and the types of chords that he was playing all look made up, but sounded so good. If he did hit a wrong note, it would be like one in a thousand notes, and he seems to be able to play at 100 notes per second. I exaggerate, but this guy was really something on the guitar. I can safely say that I will never in my wildest dreams be able to play as well as him.
After the practice session I went up to him and asked him about stuff, like whether or not he was a professional guitarist (he was), whether or not he had a band (yes, but they're not very active), and how he got to be so darn good (diploma and degree in music as well as years and years of daily practice).
And in my approaching him to talk, I realised that I had grown in one specific sense. I have developed my ability (and confidence) in talking to strangers. This guitarist was a stranger to me, and we had established nothing in common except for the fact that we jammed together for a couple of hours (no talking though). As far as I've known me, I would never go up to a stranger and start a conversation with them. That's just not what I do. I've always identified with being an introvert, and introverts don't initiate conversations with strangers.
But I somehow mustered up the courage to go up this guy whose guitar-playing I admired and ask him about just that. I was genuinely interested and had thought about talking to him about it throughout our practice session, but I never thought I'd actually do those things.
And in this anecdote, I thought to myself that in 2016, I grew in terms of interpersonal ability. Just the sheer amount of conversations I listened to and participated in via podcasts made me a better conversationalist (at least to myself, compared to the me of the past). I'm glad that I was able to talk to that guitarist and get to hear a bit of his story. It was a concrete display of growth in my books, and being able to see progress in my own self is a great thing to be able to acknowledge.
OF COURSE I have a long way to go. I'm still super awkward and not anywhere near as fluent as I want to be. But I think I'm on my way.
Here's to more conversations with more interesting people.
Wednesday, January 4, 2017
An Ustazah And Hijrah
So I had this conversation at school yesterday with an ustazah who had moved from her hometown to the big city. When I asked her why she moved, I was half-expecting work-related reasons, or maybe even family-related ones. Her answer was neither. She said that they needed to "berhijrah". I like that answer very much.
It showed that she recognised that she was in a certain comfort zone in her hometown, and as much as she might have liked being comfortable, she didn't like being stagnant even more. She said that when she looked around to see what there was for her to do and to achieve, she didn't feel that it was much at all. She said that she felt like her surroundings wouldn't allow her to grow, so she needed to move to somewhere that would allow her to learn new things, meet new people and ultimately grow as a person.
She also said that her feelings of being able to grow came immediately after moving, and she's currently taking big steps to improve herself as a teacher and as a person. It was inspiring to see a person so motivated to learn and become better. It was almost contagious, her enthusiasm for learning and improving.
I should be wary of making generalising statements, but her outlook and the steps that she has taken to get out of her comfort zone and continue to pursue what she feels is important makes me feel like anything is possible. Relocating isn't easy. Learning and getting better at a foreign language isn't easy. Saving enough money to pursue one's studies isn't easy. But this one person has done that, and plans on doing a lot more, so it gives me hope that maybe I'll be able to be brave enough to take those steps that I feel are important and worthwhile.
It was also interesting to hear about how something as simple as a change in surrounding can affect a person so deeply. Just by being in a new place and surrounding oneself with new people, we are opened to a different outlook on reality. The ustazah was, as far as I could tell, affected positively by her penghijrahan. Of course not everyone is affected by the same thing the same way, but to know that positive outcomes exist in real life in the same immediate space as you brings with it a sense of comfort and hope.
Here's to the courage and hard work that is required to hijrah.
Monday, January 2, 2017
New School, New Plans
So tomorrow is the first day of school of 2017, and I shall be teaching 8 and 9 year olds in a middle-to-high-income area in Shah Alam. I've met and talked to some of the teachers from the new school, and so far they seem like a cool bunch of people. The majority of the male teachers play some form of musical instrument, and they even have a school band made up of teachers, so that might be something to look forward to.
I'll be teaching in the afternoon session and the afternoon session teachers seem pretty cool so far. They've treated me well and one particular teacher even told me that I could be friends with just about anyone in the staff room and not fall into a clique. I hope I'll be that confident in conducting my social interactions in and around the school compound to be able to be friends with everyone.
It's a big school with big classes, averaging about 40 pupils in one classroom, so that'll be a bit of a challenge for me. The biggest class I've ever taught was 33 people, and I'm way more comfortable having around 22 pupils to teach at any one time, but I'll persevere and learn how to cope and make learning happen. It is my job, after all, to ensure that happens.
The school also has a different way of documenting their lesson plans. It's totally foreign to me, as I'm used to having the big book to write everything in by hand. In this school (and in the whole state of Selangor, apparently) lesson plans are typed out and put into files. I have no idea how that works, so tomorrow I shall have to pester the other teachers to see who would be willing to walk me through the whole process.
Because I'll be teaching in the afternoon, I'll have mornings to do or not do stuff relating to non-teaching endeavours. I have a rough plan in mind of how I want to go about it, but I'd rather see if it works out or not for a couple of weeks before saying anything here.
I hope I get to establish productive habits that develop into routines that I can depend on to help me be more productive in things I want to pursue. It'll take a lot of effort and willpower, not to mention focus, but I'll have to tackle these issues on productivity in a systematic and thoughtful manner to come out of the process with any form of success.
Here's to trying.
I'll be teaching in the afternoon session and the afternoon session teachers seem pretty cool so far. They've treated me well and one particular teacher even told me that I could be friends with just about anyone in the staff room and not fall into a clique. I hope I'll be that confident in conducting my social interactions in and around the school compound to be able to be friends with everyone.
It's a big school with big classes, averaging about 40 pupils in one classroom, so that'll be a bit of a challenge for me. The biggest class I've ever taught was 33 people, and I'm way more comfortable having around 22 pupils to teach at any one time, but I'll persevere and learn how to cope and make learning happen. It is my job, after all, to ensure that happens.
The school also has a different way of documenting their lesson plans. It's totally foreign to me, as I'm used to having the big book to write everything in by hand. In this school (and in the whole state of Selangor, apparently) lesson plans are typed out and put into files. I have no idea how that works, so tomorrow I shall have to pester the other teachers to see who would be willing to walk me through the whole process.
Because I'll be teaching in the afternoon, I'll have mornings to do or not do stuff relating to non-teaching endeavours. I have a rough plan in mind of how I want to go about it, but I'd rather see if it works out or not for a couple of weeks before saying anything here.
I hope I get to establish productive habits that develop into routines that I can depend on to help me be more productive in things I want to pursue. It'll take a lot of effort and willpower, not to mention focus, but I'll have to tackle these issues on productivity in a systematic and thoughtful manner to come out of the process with any form of success.
Here's to trying.
Achievements, Failures and Rethinking
So goodbye 2016.
This blog has always been used by myself to write letters to myself (when they're not fictional pieces, that is). So I guess in this particular post, I want to talk to both my 2016-self as well as my 2017-self, if I am to be so bold.
What were your biggest achievements of 2016?
I've always struggled with coming up with my own list of achievements. It feels like I'm stunting too hard for my liking if I were to even recognise that I achieved anything. Maybe also because I feel like if I recognised any of my past/current achievements, I'm going to close off any opportunities for myself to be proud of bigger and better things. Sort of like a "eleh, takat benda ni ja pun nak bangga buat apa?" kinda feeling. It doesn't make a lot of sense, me thinking that way. Just because one feels proud of a thing doesn't mean anything bigger or better cannot be achieved or be then proud of in the future. Bukan nak stunt pun, really. It's just a matter of listing the things you achieved this year and keeping it to yourself. It's not stunting. It's keeping track. And I'm terrible at that.
But this year, I'm glad to be able to say that I have things to be proud of. Top on my mind is starting and maintaining a podcast with my wife, as well as participating heavily in another with a friend (which, through the podcast, I've grown closer and closer to). That's a thing. Cue the negativity in my brain saying "eleh, takat buat podcast siapa pun boleh! Ada emel akaun, bukak soundcloud, siap. A ten year old could do just the same," to which I have no response. I guess I like that I've been able to post for twenty weeks (and counting) straight. I rarely am consistent with any of my endeavours, but these podcasts have been a great experience so far. I think my wife played a big role in keeping the podcast consistent. More often than not, she's the one who remembers that we have a podcast to record every week. So kudos to her.
I think another thing that I can say I did in 2016 was the book review thing. I posted a video at the beginning of the year, saying that I'd make book review videos about five specific books in five months, and I did just that. Not only that, I also made videos consistently as well, the most consistent I've been since, like, 2011. So that's a thing.
I also continued my stint as an almost-monthly columnist for The Star newspaper. I guess that's a thing not many can say. It's also a thing I've always wanted to be able to say. But now that I am able to say it, I don't feel that sense of exceeding joy that I thought I would have. I think this is mainly because I can't say that my writing there is among the best of my pieces ever. In that column, I'm mainly limited to talking about social media-related things, when I am growing more and more tired of it myself. I only check Twitter and Instagram regularly (more regularly than I'd like, if I'm honest) and my Facebook account is "hidup segan mati takmaw" at this stage. I'm not on Snapchat, Whatsapp tires me, everything else seems irrelevant. So I struggle with each and every piece, failing to pay attention to what's trending, because for the most part, they're just that: trends. And I have to admit that I am not the most trendy person around.
At this point in this particular blogpost, I decided to go back to my first blogpost last year and read what I had to say. I have to say, I sounded a lot more cheerful and optimistic in that one. Maybe it was because I was super excited about 2016 and all the things that I intended to do. A year later, I achieved some, failed at achieving the others. I'm writing in a more sombre mood right now maybe because I'm a tad tired. Been driving all day to attend kenduri kahwin. Also, my wife's unwell right now, so I'm a little worried about her well-being. And, I've just been listening to Swain's The Long Dark Blue. It's a grunge-rocky album, and although I've only listened to it a couple of times, I really like it. It's also really sad to listen to, so I guess that's why I'm a tad sad.
So what did I fail to do in 2016?
I failed to write anywhere near as consistently as I wanted to. I got in 19 posts in January, 14 in February, 8 in March and slipped right off the horse afterwards. Some months I even leave having written absolutely nothing, so that's terrible. I guess because it wasn't enough of a priority to me to write consistently that I didn't find myself on the keyboard typing as much as I want/need to if I am to call myself a writer. Writing needs to be a priority activity in my life again.
Reading has also been a habit unmade. It's like after the five books were reviewed, I stopped reading books entirely. Not a thing I am proud of in the least. Songwriting took a big-time backseat. I have just not been making songs. At least not in the frequency I want to.
So what's in store for me in 2017?
I don't know, man. My wife tells me I fail to be consistent with the things I want to do because I write them down at the beginning of the year. I beg to differ though. I think it's just plain laziness and slacking off on my part. It's a lack of focus.
I think the problem with having yearly plans is that we rarely live a year at a time. We live a day at a time, an hour at a time, a moment at a time. So yearly plans are great big picture things, but we need a clear idea of what we're doing on a day-to day, hour-to-hour, moment-to-moment basis for us to be able to do those things. And those moments, to me, should be split into 20 minute blocks of time. At any given twenty minutes, I should be focussing my energy on doing one thing and one thing only. Because, I think, it's much easier to stay focussed for twenty minutes than it is for a whole year. So for every twenty minutes that I find myself with free time, I should make a conscious effort to be very clear about what I want to do in twenty minutes and just do that one thing. Living life like twenty minutes at a time. It's a different frame of mind to be in, but it makes sense to me, since twenty minutes is enough time for some work to get done, but not enough time for me to get bored and/or sleepy. a twenty minute nap is also brief enough to not eat too much of my time, but long enough for me to refresh and be re-energised. I don't know if this is going to work, but I think it's worth a shot.
For now, I'm going to go ahead and read FIXI book entries for twenty minutes followed by an episode of the cartoon Archer (I'm only on the first season, so no spoilers please). It'll alternate that way until I get sleepy.
Have a good 2017 everyone.
This blog has always been used by myself to write letters to myself (when they're not fictional pieces, that is). So I guess in this particular post, I want to talk to both my 2016-self as well as my 2017-self, if I am to be so bold.
What were your biggest achievements of 2016?
I've always struggled with coming up with my own list of achievements. It feels like I'm stunting too hard for my liking if I were to even recognise that I achieved anything. Maybe also because I feel like if I recognised any of my past/current achievements, I'm going to close off any opportunities for myself to be proud of bigger and better things. Sort of like a "eleh, takat benda ni ja pun nak bangga buat apa?" kinda feeling. It doesn't make a lot of sense, me thinking that way. Just because one feels proud of a thing doesn't mean anything bigger or better cannot be achieved or be then proud of in the future. Bukan nak stunt pun, really. It's just a matter of listing the things you achieved this year and keeping it to yourself. It's not stunting. It's keeping track. And I'm terrible at that.
But this year, I'm glad to be able to say that I have things to be proud of. Top on my mind is starting and maintaining a podcast with my wife, as well as participating heavily in another with a friend (which, through the podcast, I've grown closer and closer to). That's a thing. Cue the negativity in my brain saying "eleh, takat buat podcast siapa pun boleh! Ada emel akaun, bukak soundcloud, siap. A ten year old could do just the same," to which I have no response. I guess I like that I've been able to post for twenty weeks (and counting) straight. I rarely am consistent with any of my endeavours, but these podcasts have been a great experience so far. I think my wife played a big role in keeping the podcast consistent. More often than not, she's the one who remembers that we have a podcast to record every week. So kudos to her.
I think another thing that I can say I did in 2016 was the book review thing. I posted a video at the beginning of the year, saying that I'd make book review videos about five specific books in five months, and I did just that. Not only that, I also made videos consistently as well, the most consistent I've been since, like, 2011. So that's a thing.
I also continued my stint as an almost-monthly columnist for The Star newspaper. I guess that's a thing not many can say. It's also a thing I've always wanted to be able to say. But now that I am able to say it, I don't feel that sense of exceeding joy that I thought I would have. I think this is mainly because I can't say that my writing there is among the best of my pieces ever. In that column, I'm mainly limited to talking about social media-related things, when I am growing more and more tired of it myself. I only check Twitter and Instagram regularly (more regularly than I'd like, if I'm honest) and my Facebook account is "hidup segan mati takmaw" at this stage. I'm not on Snapchat, Whatsapp tires me, everything else seems irrelevant. So I struggle with each and every piece, failing to pay attention to what's trending, because for the most part, they're just that: trends. And I have to admit that I am not the most trendy person around.
At this point in this particular blogpost, I decided to go back to my first blogpost last year and read what I had to say. I have to say, I sounded a lot more cheerful and optimistic in that one. Maybe it was because I was super excited about 2016 and all the things that I intended to do. A year later, I achieved some, failed at achieving the others. I'm writing in a more sombre mood right now maybe because I'm a tad tired. Been driving all day to attend kenduri kahwin. Also, my wife's unwell right now, so I'm a little worried about her well-being. And, I've just been listening to Swain's The Long Dark Blue. It's a grunge-rocky album, and although I've only listened to it a couple of times, I really like it. It's also really sad to listen to, so I guess that's why I'm a tad sad.
So what did I fail to do in 2016?
I failed to write anywhere near as consistently as I wanted to. I got in 19 posts in January, 14 in February, 8 in March and slipped right off the horse afterwards. Some months I even leave having written absolutely nothing, so that's terrible. I guess because it wasn't enough of a priority to me to write consistently that I didn't find myself on the keyboard typing as much as I want/need to if I am to call myself a writer. Writing needs to be a priority activity in my life again.
Reading has also been a habit unmade. It's like after the five books were reviewed, I stopped reading books entirely. Not a thing I am proud of in the least. Songwriting took a big-time backseat. I have just not been making songs. At least not in the frequency I want to.
So what's in store for me in 2017?
I don't know, man. My wife tells me I fail to be consistent with the things I want to do because I write them down at the beginning of the year. I beg to differ though. I think it's just plain laziness and slacking off on my part. It's a lack of focus.
I think the problem with having yearly plans is that we rarely live a year at a time. We live a day at a time, an hour at a time, a moment at a time. So yearly plans are great big picture things, but we need a clear idea of what we're doing on a day-to day, hour-to-hour, moment-to-moment basis for us to be able to do those things. And those moments, to me, should be split into 20 minute blocks of time. At any given twenty minutes, I should be focussing my energy on doing one thing and one thing only. Because, I think, it's much easier to stay focussed for twenty minutes than it is for a whole year. So for every twenty minutes that I find myself with free time, I should make a conscious effort to be very clear about what I want to do in twenty minutes and just do that one thing. Living life like twenty minutes at a time. It's a different frame of mind to be in, but it makes sense to me, since twenty minutes is enough time for some work to get done, but not enough time for me to get bored and/or sleepy. a twenty minute nap is also brief enough to not eat too much of my time, but long enough for me to refresh and be re-energised. I don't know if this is going to work, but I think it's worth a shot.
For now, I'm going to go ahead and read FIXI book entries for twenty minutes followed by an episode of the cartoon Archer (I'm only on the first season, so no spoilers please). It'll alternate that way until I get sleepy.
Have a good 2017 everyone.
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