Tuesday, December 30, 2014


I am a male person and I have emotions and I typed of the resulting thoughts and they are now on the internet. Nothing wrong with that. It’s my blog, after all, and can write and publish whatever I may on this free internet space. But I realise now that yesterday’s episode (the previous blogpost) was just me being whiny and mengada. It’s totally legit to feel those feelings, but they’re not an excuse to become a less decent human being.

I remember a thing my friend told me a couple of weeks ago. I was staying over at his house because he was ever so generous to let me spend some nights there. On the last morning of my stay, we had a conversation. I was talking about this person I knew and I was telling my friend about how I wanted to like this dude but I didn’t because I caught some vibe that said he did’t like me very much. 

In response to this, my friend said “kenapa tak just like him anyway jer?” which totally hit me in the head. I was like “ya jugak tu, why do I need him to like me for me to like him?” but only in my head ajalah. I verbally replied, after a pause, “betoi jugak.”

In that one response, my friend reminded me that other people shouldn’t affect my decision to be a decent human being and like anyone or everyone, even the ones that don’t like me back.

Another friend of mine brought this quote into my life: “Kehidupan ialah tenting membuat keputusan. Life is about making choices.” And everything we do is a decision. I can decide to be weak in the face of uncertainty, or I can choose to be strong. Either way, that uncertainty will still be there.

So when I doubted myself yesterday, I forgot that I was making a choice. I chose to take the view that the kind of person I am was something I couldn’t control. And that view shapes the way I behaved and influences the choices I make whilst in that state of mind.

I needed to remember that the opposing view, that I can control the kind of person I am, could equally be true. And when I hold that view, I can start to be more conscious about my choices in behaviour, and I can influence myself to do more positive things and view things in a more positive light, shaping me to become a wholly more positive person.

So instead of mengeluh and complain that I don’t know if I’ll be a douche in the future, I just need to remember to not do douchey things. As long as I refrain from doing douchey things, I won’t be a douchey person. And isn’t that the best type of person? The non-douchey type?

So be nice anyway, Anwar. Do good things, regardless. Smile, regardless.  Always look for the positives, regardless.

And you should be just fine, no?