New School, New Plans

So tomorrow is the first day of school of 2017, and I shall be teaching 8 and 9 year olds in a middle-to-high-income area in Shah Alam. I've met and talked to some of the teachers from the new school, and so far they seem like a cool bunch of people. The majority of the male teachers play some form of musical instrument, and they even have a school band made up of teachers, so that might be something to look forward to.

I'll be teaching in the afternoon session and the afternoon session teachers seem pretty cool so far. They've treated me well and one particular teacher even told me that I could be friends with just about anyone in the staff room and not fall into a clique. I hope I'll be that confident in conducting my social interactions in and around the school compound to be able to be friends with everyone.

It's a big school with big classes, averaging about 40 pupils in one classroom, so that'll be a bit of a challenge for me. The biggest class I've ever taught was 33 people, and I'm way more comfortable having around 22 pupils to teach at any one time, but I'll persevere and learn how to cope and make learning happen. It is my job, after all, to ensure that happens.

The school also has a different way of documenting their lesson plans. It's totally foreign to me, as I'm used to having the big book to write everything in by hand. In this school (and in the whole state of Selangor, apparently) lesson plans are typed out and put into files. I have no idea how that works, so tomorrow I shall have to pester the other teachers to see who would be willing to walk me through the whole process.

Because I'll be teaching in the afternoon, I'll have mornings to do or not do stuff relating to non-teaching endeavours. I have a rough plan in mind of how I want to go about it, but I'd rather see if it works out or not for a couple of weeks before saying anything here.

I hope I get to establish productive habits that develop into routines that I can depend on to help me be more productive in things I want to pursue. It'll take a lot of effort and willpower, not to mention focus, but I'll have to tackle these issues on productivity in a systematic and thoughtful manner to come out of the process with any form of success.

Here's to trying.

Achievements, Failures and Rethinking

So goodbye 2016.

This blog has always been used by myself to write letters to myself (when they're not fictional pieces, that is). So I guess in this particular post, I want to talk to both my 2016-self as well as my 2017-self, if I am to be so bold.

What were your biggest achievements of 2016?
I've always struggled with coming up with my own list of achievements. It feels like I'm stunting too hard for my liking if I were to even recognise that I achieved anything. Maybe also because I feel like if I recognised any of my past/current achievements, I'm going to close off any opportunities for myself to be proud of bigger and better things. Sort of like a "eleh, takat benda ni ja pun nak bangga buat apa?" kinda feeling. It doesn't make a lot of sense, me thinking that way. Just because one feels proud of a thing doesn't mean anything bigger or better cannot be achieved or be then proud of in the future. Bukan nak stunt pun, really. It's just a matter of listing the things you achieved this year and keeping it to yourself. It's not stunting. It's keeping track. And I'm terrible at that.

But this year, I'm glad to be able to say that I have things to be proud of. Top on my mind is starting and maintaining a podcast with my wife, as well as participating heavily in another with a friend (which, through the podcast, I've grown closer and closer to). That's a thing. Cue the negativity in my brain saying "eleh, takat buat podcast siapa pun boleh! Ada emel akaun, bukak soundcloud, siap. A ten year old could do just the same," to which I have no response. I guess I like that I've been able to post for twenty weeks (and counting) straight. I rarely am consistent with any of my endeavours, but these podcasts have been a great experience so far. I think my wife played a big role in keeping the podcast consistent. More often than not, she's the one who remembers that we have a podcast to record every week. So kudos to her.

I think another thing that I can say I did in 2016 was the book review thing. I posted a video at the beginning of the year, saying that I'd make book review videos about five specific books in five months, and I did just that. Not only that, I also made videos consistently as well, the most consistent I've been since, like, 2011. So that's a thing.

I also continued my stint as an almost-monthly columnist for The Star newspaper. I guess that's a thing not many can say. It's also a thing I've always wanted to be able to say. But now that I am able to say it, I don't feel that sense of exceeding joy that I thought I would have. I think this is mainly because I can't say that my writing there is among the best of my pieces ever. In that column, I'm mainly limited to talking about social media-related things, when I am growing more and more tired of it myself. I only check Twitter and Instagram regularly (more regularly than I'd like, if I'm honest) and my Facebook account is "hidup segan mati takmaw" at this stage. I'm not on Snapchat, Whatsapp tires me, everything else seems irrelevant. So I struggle with each and every piece, failing to pay attention to what's trending, because for the most part, they're just that: trends. And I have to admit that I am not the most trendy person around.

At this point in this particular blogpost, I decided to go back to my first blogpost last year and read what I had to say. I have to say, I sounded a lot more cheerful and optimistic in that one. Maybe it was because I was super excited about 2016 and all the things that I intended to do. A year later, I achieved some, failed at achieving the others. I'm writing in a more sombre mood right now maybe because I'm a tad tired. Been driving all day to attend kenduri kahwin. Also, my wife's unwell right now, so I'm a little worried about her well-being. And, I've just been listening to Swain's The Long Dark Blue. It's a grunge-rocky album, and although I've only listened to it a couple of times, I really like it. It's also really sad to listen to, so I guess that's why I'm a tad sad.

So what did I fail to do in 2016?
I failed to write anywhere near as consistently as I wanted to. I got in 19 posts in January, 14 in February, 8 in March and slipped right off the horse afterwards. Some months I even leave having written absolutely nothing, so that's terrible. I guess because it wasn't enough of a priority to me to write consistently that I didn't find myself on the keyboard typing as much as I want/need to if I am to call myself a writer. Writing needs to be a priority activity in my life again.

Reading has also been a habit unmade. It's like after the five books were reviewed, I stopped reading books entirely. Not a thing I am proud of in the least. Songwriting took a big-time backseat. I have just not been making songs. At least not in the frequency I want to.

So what's in store for me in 2017?
I don't know, man. My wife tells me I fail to be consistent with the things I want to do because I write them down at the beginning of the year. I beg to differ though. I think it's just plain laziness and slacking off on my part. It's a lack of focus.

I think the problem with having yearly plans is that we rarely live a year at a time. We live a day at a time, an hour at a time, a moment at a time. So yearly plans are great big picture things, but we need a clear idea of what we're doing on a day-to day, hour-to-hour, moment-to-moment basis for us to be able to do those things. And those moments, to me, should be split into 20 minute blocks of time. At any given twenty minutes, I should be focussing my energy on doing one thing and one thing only. Because, I think, it's much easier to stay focussed for twenty minutes than it is for a whole year. So for every twenty minutes that I find myself with free time, I should make a conscious effort to be very clear about what I want to do in twenty minutes and just do that one thing. Living life like twenty minutes at a time. It's a different frame of mind to be in, but it makes sense to me, since twenty minutes is enough time for some work to get done, but not enough time for me to get bored and/or sleepy. a twenty minute nap is also brief enough to not eat too much of my time, but long enough for me to refresh and be re-energised. I don't know if this is going to work, but I think it's worth a shot.

For now, I'm going to go ahead and read FIXI book entries for twenty minutes followed by an episode of the cartoon Archer (I'm only on the first season, so no spoilers please). It'll alternate that way until I get sleepy.

Have a good 2017 everyone.

Closing And Opening Chapters

So I've been meaning to write since the end of the 2016 school term which was almost two weeks ago, but stuff and things (moving houses, mostly) have taken up most of my time and I haven't made the time to write anything here until now. So here goes.

The last week of school was a tough one. On the one hand, I was looking forward to moving out of that school and moving closer to my wife. On the other hand, I dreaded leaving the friends that I had made over there. It was the first time that I felt like I was closing a chapter of my life, one day at a time, for about a week.

Perda had been a learning ground for me. I first learned what it meant to be a full-time teacher, which was eye-opening to say the least. I was made aware of the full scope of being a teacher, and I learned for the first time that it might not be the thing for me.

I also learned about people the ways in which I could be a better friend. This was largely due to the friends that I made while teaching there. I never thought I could be such close friends with people who were significantly older than me, but they've taught me that there's more to people than just their age. If I give people a chance, just like I gave this group of people, they might surprise me by being super nice, kind and accommodating to a snot-nosed greenie like myself. They taught me to trust and to be trustworthy. They taught me loyalty. Not by telling me to be these things, but by embodying those traits and showing me how it's done. I shall be forever grateful to them for that.

Moving houses has been alright, in reality. It's just me who dislikes packing things and unpacking things that has made me feel like it's not so great. Attitude problem ja sebenaqnya. My wife and her family has been super helpful throughout the process, so I am grateful for that as well. I just try to help where I can. After a full week of work on getting the new apartment ready, it still isn't ready to be lived in quite yet. There are still a few finishing touches that need to be attended to before we can finally call it our new home.

I'm looking forward to see what life has in store for me in the future. What will the school be like? Will I be able to cope with the new working environment? What new people shall I meet? Will I be able to keep meeting up with old friends at least semi-regularly? Will I be able to take on projects more freely in the  coming months? Will I squander the opportunities that come my way? All anxiety-inducing questions, but I'm trying to take it one day at a time. That's about as much as I can take on a daily basis, if I'm honest.

Here's to the next chapter. May interesting stories come out of it.

Forum Questions Brainstormed

What are some of the factors that contribute to the lack in English proficiency amongst Malaysians?

First and foremost, I think it's safe to say that for the vast majority of Malaysians, English isn't our first language. So we have to look at the issue from that perspective. It would be unreasonable to expect a person to be able to use their second language as well as a person who uses the same language as their mother tongue. Expectations need to be managed, in that sense.

However, it would also be reasonable to expect a person to have more or less an okay grasp of the language if they're supposed to have been learning the language for 11 years (as some Malaysians would, having gone to school from the age of seven to the age of seventeen). So there's that side of the equation that needs to be taken into consideration when managing one's expectations as well.

Through my own limited experience of teaching and listening to the people around me, it hinges a lot on how much one is exposed to the language on a daily basis. People who have limited opportunities to listen to, read, watch and interact with English material or media will most probably also have a limited understanding of the language. This is true of any second or third language user.

Think about a third language that you've been exposed to. For me, it might be Japanese. I know some Japanese phrases, but nowhere near enough to be able to carry a conversation in the language. This is directly related to how much Japanese I expose myself to on a daily basis, which is probably once a year. So it would be reasonable to say that my Japanese is terrible, because I am not exposed to the language nowhere nearly enough.

To illustrate a different example, I'll use my students. The ones who have a firm grasp of the language more often than not are exposed to the language. Their parents play them English songs, English tv shows, English videos, and get them English books. Compare this to the students that struggle with the language. More often than not, they aren't getting as much exposure to the language. Because of the lack of exposure, the opportunity for them to get better at the language is limited too, since they aren't able to engage with the language on a regular basis.

How does one improve their English ability?

Carrying forward the previous argument, I would say that one of the first steps to improving is exposing yourself to as much of the language as possible. Be in an environment that is conducive for a person to pick up the language. Read, watch and listen to English material whenever you can. Do that to the point where one can even think in the language without breaking too much of a sweat.

Then one can start producing English material. By that, I mean write and speak in English. Writing and speaking are skills, much like a bicycle. So if a person has limited experience riding a bicycle, one shouldn't expect to be able to participate in Le Tour de Langkawi after a week of practice. It'll take a long long time before one gets any good, but with hard work and persistence, one should be able to reach the level of ability that they desire, later, rather than sooner, might I add.

Who do we look to for role models?
I think that's a personal decision. There is no wrong answer, as long as one perceives that that chosen role model embodies something that the person wants to achieve someday in the future. It can be celebrities that one admires, it can be a father/mother figure in one's life, it can be a teacher, it can be a restaurant cook. As long as a person shows certain attributes that one would like to have, then there shouldn't be any reason that they can't be role models to someone else.

For myself, I sort of pick and choose attributes. I will admire Kendrick Lamar's song-writing ability, Yasmin Ahmad's optimism about life, my wife's passion and musicality, Michelle Obama's eloquence, Iñarritu's film-making ability, my friends' brains, etc. so that I don't fall into the trap of idolatry, where everything everyone does is positive, even the things that disagree with my principles. I am open to learning and understanding from people I admire, but if one is at fault and does something that calls for criticism, I want to be able to make that judgement call, even if they're my hero in certain aspects of my life.

What kind of English is acceptable? (Manglish or Queen's English)
I hold the belief that all forms of language, in their own way have something to offer. I made a video poking fun at the "ew" language used by certain people several years ago, and even though in principle I don't ever see myself using that variation of language in the future, I can better appreciate that it is used for self-expression, and if it's understood by both the transmitter and the receiver, then it shouldn't be too much of an issue.

The struggle happens when there's a misunderstanding between two parties because of the form of language. If one uses Manglish in a setting where formal English is expected of them, then a disconnect forms and effective communication is harder to achieve. It's the same the other way round as well. When the setting is informal, in Malaysia where people are used to speaking in Manglish, then the use of formal English isn't very suitable. People can still understand each other, but a barrier is formed that restricts effective communication all the same. So in answering the question of what type of English is acceptable, one needs to use the language that suits the context of the use. If the context calls for more formal language, then use that. If it calls for Manglish, then use that.

Where is the best place to improve? (home or school)
I think both the home and the school has their place in helping us get better at the language. We spend a lot more time at home, so it would be great to have a lot of exposure to the language there, find opportunities to expose yourself to the language at home. Similarly, at school one could practice as well. The added feature of learning language at school is the availability of a teacher to consult. So effective feedback can be received from teachers at school, which helps in improving one's language ability as well. In both cases, one has to be proactive in finding ways in which to improve their language ability. One can spend as much time at home or at school, but if one doesn't put in the effort to get better, chances are their road to progress will be slower than if they were to be more proactive.

When is it okay to talk to our friends in English?
When our friends are okay with us speaking in English. As I have said in answering a previous question, it weighs heavily on context. Who are we talking to? Are they receptive to the idea of speaking in English? How would speaking in English make them feel? Would it be helpful to both parties of one started to speak in English? One needs to make sure the environment is conducive for such interactions. One also needs to be clear about what they're doing, so as to not rub people the wrong way.

What are your current pursuits of knowledge?
I'm learning how to write songs. I'm learning how to be a better film-maker. I'm learning a little philosophy here and there. I'm learning comedy as well. I'm also learning public speaking.

What area of knowledge is opened to us with the use of English?
Most of the internet is in English, so if one wants to learn something through the internet, chances are, English is involved in it somehow. So much content is available in English and not available in Malay that it's sad that so much knowledge remains out of reach for some people just because of the language barrier. One either needs to find a translated work, or work on understanding English better to gain access to the barrels of information that is available to us in this day and age.

Ambition As A Tool

So earlier today I started listening to a new podcast called the "The Tim Ferriss Show". It's one of the more popular podcasts in the world and I got on the train rather late for a person who calls himself a fan of podcasts. It's a show that "deconstructs world-class performers from all different trades and specialties", which means Mr Ferriss (who is himself a best-selling author of multiple books) interviewing other super successful people to find out what makes them tick.

The first episode I listened to was an episode from last year, episode 118 with Alain de Botton, a philosopher who has written several books and has a Youtube channel called The School of Life, which – among other things – tries to tackle the big questions of life such as "The Meaning of Life", "The Secrets of Happiness" and "Higher Consciousness".

I started with this episode because a friend of mine recommended it on instagram, and upon hearing Mr de Botton's voice, I instantly recognised it from the School Of Life videos which I have watched several of in the past year or so, not knowing it was Mr de Botton's voice all the while. I highly recommend The School of Life to whoever wants to start dabbling (or at least listen to) philosophical questions and explorations.

Back to the podcast episode, I was definitely absorbed in the conversation that Mr Ferriss and Mr de Botton was having. They tackled issues as to how philosophy can be useful to everyone in everyday life, how modern day universities have made philosophy out of the mainstream's reach as well as how to be happy in life. And there was this one thing that Mr Ferriss said that forced me to pause the episode and be mind-blown by for a bit, which was "ambition is a good tool, but a terrible master".

This quote might have been around for a while, and Mr Ferriss might have just plucked it from a cat poster somewhere in his office, but it definitely was new to me and shed a totally different light on ambition from how I've been viewing it all this while throughout my life.

I've always viewed ambition as a goal, as something to strive for, an end product. I want to "achieve" an ambition, and thus live life, for lack of a better term, "berkiblatkan" these ambitions that I have. Everything I did was to service these ambitions of mine and I'd always thought that that was the "correct" way of looking at it.

But Mr Ferriss said that it was possible to use ambition as a tool, as a means to an end. And what I imagine that end to be is happiness (however you want to define happiness is up to you). Because what's the point of having lofty ambitions if all they do is make you miserable? And I have to admit that I'm definitely guilty of that. I allow myself to kick myself in the head so much because I haven't reached my ambitions yet.

All it takes is a change of perspective, from seeing ambition as an end to seeing ambition as a tool to make me feel a lot less crappy about myself. And in my mind, that makes sense. I shouldn't let my ambition use me, I should use my ambition. Use it as a fire that drives me forward toward a goal, while at the same time being mindful of being kind to others and myself and count my blessings and give myself the permission to be happy as often as I can.

As it is, I'm still struggling with this paradigm shift, as you could probably read. I'm still figuring it out and I have a lot to learn still. It would probably take me a couple more listens to the podcast episode as well as more time thinking about it (not to mention the reading material I'll have to go through) before I am fully able to grasp the concept. But here's to paradigm shifts and learning new things in order to allow ourselves to enjoy our time on Earth better, yes?

Micro Malaysia

So a couple of months ago I received a call from the people of FIXI (a local book publishing company) in which they asked me if I would be interested in editing a short story anthology for them. Given that this was a new experience to me and that I am a fan of books and stories in general, I took up the offer with very few questions asked.

The book shall be called MICRO-MALAYSIA and the details are in the following picture:

I'm excited to be taking on this task, and as of writing this, I am just starting to embark on the journey by going through the entries hoping to find some gems within the entries that have been sent in (there are more than 200 entries as of writing this post).

If you're reading this right now, I would encourage you to try it out. Please make my life more difficult by sending in as many entries as you can. Who knows? You might get to put "published author" on your resumé if all goes well. Although, as the editor, I make no promises. My focus right now is finding the best pieces to include in the book, and that's that. Hopefully I'll be able to find 100 pieces that stand out. I want this book to be good. Like, good good.

Incremental Gains

So the other day I was listening to an episode of the Freakonomics podcast called "In Praise of Incrementalism". It talks about how the gay rights movement followed the incrementalist approach in fighting for their cause to get to where they are now (in the US, at least) and how the journey of that movement may inform the #BlackLivesMatter movement of today's modern day US. It's a moving episode, and I highly recommend it if you're in the mood for listening to a podcast.

It made me think about the thing that has been occupying my mind as of late, which is an English Language workshop that I'll be conducting at the International Islamic University of Malaysia this weekend. I'll be handling two slots, which consist of a slot about grammar (snorefest, I know) and another on building confidence (in case you're wondering whether it's the act of making one's belief in their abilities better or the piece of infrastructure called "confidence", it's the former).

I have worries for both of them, as one would expect from anxious little me. I am struggling with finding a way to make a two-hour session on grammar un-boring. I've reached into my little bag of pedagogy and I have a few things prepared, but I'm not fully convinced if it's enough, and I am at a loss to find anything else to add to the session. I've never actually tried to teach young adults before, since the only teaching experience I have is in teaching people below 9, so it's a new kind of challenge to prepare lessons to people above 18. Not to say that I have no experience talking to such people. Indeed I have attended forums and events in which I have had to address young adults multiple times before, but never before have I ever had to talk to them about grammar, so we'll have to see how it goes.

The second slot is where incrementalism comes into the discussion. In building self-confidence, one needs practice. One is inclined to feel a lack of confidence when one feels that they lack ability in doing a certain thing. I would be very doubtful of my ability to play the piano because I know for a fact that I am very bad at it, and I know that I'm very bad at it because I've had very little practice with the instrument. I would, however, be more confident in playing the guitar, because I've been playing the instrument (on and off) for ten years now.

And in setting one's expectations in practice, one cannot expect to be able to play Beethoven after a day, or even a month, or even a year of practice. One needs an incrementalist mindset when thinking about playing a brand new instrument. So from 0% knowledge of the piano, work to get to 1%. Don't immediately set your sights on 100%. Yes, it's great to be ambitious about things, but in setting expectations for yourself in practice sessions, we need to take it one step at a time, increment by increment, from 1% to 2%, then to 3% and so on and so forth. Celebrate small wins, keep working to get just that little bit better, and before you know it you've reached great heights.

I am also reminded of the analogy of the ladder. One has to go up the ladder one step at a time. It may be slower, but it works, and ensures that the likelihood of one falling off the ladder altogether is minimised. So in climbing that ladder, one has to try one's best to focus on that next, immediate step above them and try to reach for that one and that one only at the time. Reach for the next one when you have already a firm grip on the step that you tried to grasp before it. Similarly, in anything that you're either trying to get better at, or in something that you want to achieve, at all points of the journey, one has to find out what the immediate next marginal but incremental step is and strive for it. It may not be glamorous, but it is the closest guarantee one has to making it work.

All this talk of incrementalism is directed at me too. I find that in the things that I want to achieve and be better at, I compare myself to people who are already great at the thing all the time. It's unhealthy in the sense that I feel down all the time and it demotivates me because I feel like that level in unattainable. I have to readjust my lens and set my focus on marginal incremental gains, as I have been saying in the past few paragraphs. That will help motivate me to get better because I will feel like those goals are a lot more achievable, thus motivating me to achieve those small steps going forward. As I've said so many times before on this blog, it won't be easy. But I guess it was never supposed to be.