Wednesday, March 9, 2016

If Only

So if you're a regular reader of this blog, you probably would have noticed that lately I've been a little down in the dumps. Or maybe you haven't, I don't really know for sure.

I feel like one of my biggest sources of discontentment right now is that I feel like I am not on a road that will take me closer to my ambitions. I feel like my reality and my ambitions are such disparate things that it becomes tough to cope with. I'm not saying I haven't been trying, but golly has it not been easy.

And I've been thinking this whole day about why I have these ambitions. Why I can't be content with the life I lead right now. Why I can't realise that a life of no ambitions and aspirations also means a life of no disappointments. Why I can't just stick to the road I'm currently on and if I absolutely have to, then make a difference on the path I am already on.

This path is comfortable. It's safe. There is little to no chance of me losing my job (if I think I have it within me to hold myself back from punching a Ministry officer in the face, I think I'll do alright). All I have to do is go to school when I'm supposed to, go to class when I'm supposed to, go back home when I'm supposed to, and I'm golden.

I'll make enough money to live an OK life. Sure I won't be rich, but being rich is for people who take risks, and why would I want to do that when I can take little to no risks in life and be safe financially, right? Lagipun, dunia ja semua tu. Duit bukan boleh bawak pi kuboq. Kerja cikgu ni kerja mulia. Stay on this path and you'll be rewarded in the hereafter.

Life would be so much easier if I simply gave up on my ambitions. If only I had it within me to say to myself "you don't need to pursue these bizarre dreams of yours! You already have a job that provides stability and safety for you and your family! That's all you need, really! Stay put and you'll be happy, someday! One day you'll realise that this life ain't too bad! You get to hang around children! You love that! You get to feed your family consistently! You love that too! You get a whole lot of holidays! I know you love that!" And so on and so forth.

If only I could be content with these circumstances, I'd be a much happier guy. If only these ambitions would just go away, I'd have peace of mind. If only I were more bersyukur a human being, I wouldn't be as stressed out. If only I wasn't such a selfish prick. If only.


IqbalHakim said...

Bismillahi rahmani rahim..

I know i'm not in a position to give my opinion or give suggestion. I also struggle in life, to achieved something. In need of finding something to be proud of. Seeing others which has a more decent and well-planned life, I envy them.

But in past few weeks I had an amazing journey back home. Rest and chit chat with my parents. Really helps me guide my way roughly even though I didn't have any plans or aims when I working right now.

The feeling of being left out is really burdensome. You always notified by how glorious your friends work, their happy family and wonderful life. Others are simply amazed you by how diligently they follow their dreams and ambitions, risking their dreams and comfortable life they had to pursue it.

I have a dream once. But the road lead me to another dream which is similar but more effort and sweat to put. Looking back, I won't have any regret of choosing it. Because I willing to risk it.

As a reader, I wanted nothing more than see you happy doin' what you love the most. Put your full potential to it. Drive your passion towards it. And never regrets. It's an experience you will never forget.

If you wanna gave up on your aim, that is your choice bro. I'm simply happy which ever choice you take. Who knows the path that you take is always ended up happy as long as you maintain your Deen towards Him. InsyaAllah..

So, I pray for Allah to show you the way. The best way there is. Amin

Thanks for reading.

CKB said...

Whatever people say it does not matter.

My mother used to say that, if you find yourself at ease, find Allah.
If you find yourself hanging, find Allah.

If you think that you want to pursue something better, just go. Take Allah with you. He will guide you InsyaAllah

Aneesah said...

My two sen: Allah put the potential in you for a reason. There is a difference between being selfish and being inspired to fulfil those potentials. Big goals but small daily steps inshaAllah! May Allah bless and keep us steadfast!

Nur Farhana Syafie said...

If you feel the ambitions that you own now will lead to you a better life, then it might be good for you to proceed. But, it will be good if you discuss about this and ask opinions from your spouse and parents. Plus, you can always do istikharah asking Allah for guidance. and ease anythings that comes in your way. Last, may Allah guides you in the right path.