So I had a little conversation with a film producer the other day. I told him of my intention of being an actor one day and he said that's cool, but he advised me to be prepared financially before I take the plunge. He found it helpful himself, because before he was a film producer, he was an engineer. He was on his way to the HR office to hand in his resignation letter when he thought to himself, "Eh, lepas ni aku nak survive macam mana?" so he put the letter back in his pocket and gave himself two years to get financially ready for resigning. Two years later, with enough money stored in the bank to sustain his life for a whole year without making any extra income, he did just that. And today he's doing okay for himself. He's not rich by any stretch of the imagination, but he has enough, and enough is good enough for him, especially when his day to day consists of focussing on doing things he loves doing.
I am doing that right now. I want to be financially ready for myself and for my family, so that I won't have to stress about how to pay rent for a whole year, because I have already thought ahead of time that transitioning between jobs will not be the easiest thing in the world. I'm glad that circumstances has allowed me to be frugal in spending and my upbringing has equipped me with the foresight to be prepared for the worst while still hoping for the best. Because honestly, leaving a steady job with a consistent paycheque is scary. To not be certain of where next month's money for rent is going to come from is super stressful, and is way out there in terms of me being in my comfort zone.
But I feel like it's something I have to do. I don't actually have to, but then of course I don't actually have to continue working for a monthly salary, either. I only actually have to survive, and take care of those who depend on me to survive, I think. And to that end, I have put in a lot of work already, and will continue to put in the work necessary to make ends meet at the end of the day. I guess it just comes down to me being a dreamer. A person who feels like a life not spent doing what one loves doing is a life less lived.
Or maybe it's just curiosity. I want to know what would happen if I were to pursue acting full-time. I want to know if I have what it takes to do it, and keep doing it. I would like to find out for certain, instead of just wondering about it in my car for five minutes after I've parked it before clocking into school. And whether I succeed or fail, it doesn't matter. What would matter is that I found out what the answer was. I already know what the answer to me being a teacher is. I don't like the answer, but that answer remains unchanged. I just want to know the answer to the other "what if?" in my life that I haven't been able to shake off for years now.
Here's to dreams. Or curiosity. Either one, doesn't matter.