Thursday, January 29, 2015

Nak Tuleh Tapi Tak Pun

Yesterday, I wanted to write something, anything down for the blog as early as the minute I got back to the apartment from school, because I had plans for the night that would prevent me from doing much before I had to get to sleep, but I ended up spending three hours watching radio interviews of rappers as well as half of a hip-hop documentary. Before I knew it, I had to go out for dinner and by the time I got back from doing what I had to do, it was already late and the only things my could do were to close up and let my consciousness slip away.

Even as of writing this, I knew that in order for me to have enough time to think about what to write and compose something, I had to immediately, upon arriving home from school, get on the empty word document and start typing, but instead I spent a good 45 minutes watching prank videos and chat roulette recordings on Youtube. They weren’t even all that funny.

This is my procrastination. It’s with me and it’s here to stay. But to get around it, or at least this is what I tell myself, I have to be able to get into that headspace that’s focused and strong-willed to plough my way through any obstacles and reach my goals. 

And sometimes that means making some sacrifices. Am I willing to make those sacrifices in order to reach those goals? Are those goals worth it? Will those sacrifices bite my backside in the future or will I be happy that I made those sacrifices? These are just some of the questions that one faces on the daily, and I’m no different.

The procrastination video that’s on my Youtube channel was made because I wanted to remind myself of what I need to do to curb the habit, but by no means does it mean that I’ve mastered productivity. Far from it. As I said in the video, non-procrastinators don’t really understand what procrastinators go through, and I think that because I am a procrastinator myself, I have a right to talk about the struggles of a person who procrastinates regularly.

I need to remember to focus, just say no to IRIF and hurt his feelings while I’m at it. I keep forgetting that.

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