Tuesday, January 19, 2016


So I’m in several Whatsapp group (who isn’t nowadays, right?) and the common thing that happens to whatsapp groups is that people post chain texts. You know, those long text messages that gets forwarded like forever by human peoples.

Earlier today, one such piece of text was posted on a group I’m in, and read something like this:

Aku ina. Aku baru bercerai talak satu seminggu lepas. Aku baru je berumur 22 tahun. Punca aku cerai sebab bekas suami aku curang. Tapi aku tak salahkan dia. Dia stress tengok aku yang pemalas. Tak jalankan tanggungjawab.

And then the text goes on and on about how before they got married she could put on a sweet facade, even though in reality she slept until late, didn’t know how to cook, watched a lot of Korean dramas, et cetera, and could be hypocritical for about three days into the marriage before old habits kicked in and caused the husband to find other, more “mature” women. She even goes on to say “baik bela biawak kan?”

She ended the text with some calls to action. To women: don’t be lazy and be more responsible. To men: Don’t marry a person just because they look pretty. To the reader: pray for her. 

#PrayForIna (ini saya sendiri tambah)

The text angered me. I don’t like responding to people in an angry state, so I delayed my response to the text.

I reread it during recess at school and typed out a response. I said something to the effect of:

If the husband cheats, then it’s definitely the husband’s fault, no arguments. I find it hard to accept that this “Ina” character said “tapi aku tak salahkan dia”. The guy is definitely in the wrong for cheating.

I can commend this “Ina” character for wanting to reflect on something that happened to her and improve upon herself and her daily habits. Efforts to be a better person than you were yesterday should be lauded and applauded, and for her to take from this terrible experience thoughts to become a better person in the future is wonderful. You go girl. Kudos to you.

But at the same time, the husband cannot get off the hook that easily. It’s not all your fault, Ina. Your ex-husband is the person who made the decision to cheat on you. Your husband is the one who made the decision to look for other women. Your husband is the asshole. 

When he married you, he made a promise to be with you (and only you) forever and ever, in tough times and in easy times. If the only reason for him to look for other women was because he needed someone to cook and clean, then he wasn’t looking for a wife in the first place, he was looking for a maid.

And to the ex-husband, if you were THAT stressed, you could have talked about it with her, kan? You could have had a discussion, heck, even an argument about it. You could have come to an agreement, to somehow make it work with your wife. You could have given her a chance to improve, to be better, to be able to make you happier (since this is what she wants too, it seems), but you never did that. What did you do instead? You went and looked for other women terus. More “mature” ones, you say. I guess a woman is only mature in your eyes when she is able to wake up early to cook and clean for you. What a sad, sad way to define maturity.


I guess my rant in response to the “Ina” story was a rant for myself as well. If I were to ever cheat on my wife (being the terrible person that I am, I am not above that possibility), I would definitely be an asshole. Especially towards a person who tries so hard to be a good life-partner to the soil stain that I am. I guess the things that I said to the ex-husband are the things that I have to say to myself in order to become anywhere near a good enough husband. 


Nadia Syamila said...

You are definitely right. What an impressive writing from heart of a man who knows his weakness and possibility of tendency, yet still justifying what is right and wrong especially in the sight of Allah and the teaching of adDeen.

By the way Ina, if you want to know islamically it is not your responsible to sediakn makanan minuman basuh baju angkat baju sediakan baju gosok baju sediakan tempat tidur and bersihkan pampers your husband. Please you should ask him to learn about Islam too more, because Islam is so beautiful that it is a disgrace to say that it is all an obligation for a wife - to treat her husband like a king.

Sorry, but that is wrong and it is 'dzalim' = injustice. In Islam both have significant amount of responsibility that should both together participate and commit to it.

And the husband should never cheat at first place. Where is the tundukkan pandangan , jgn mendekati zina and stuff that Allah teaching here? Please Ina get hold of yourself, I know women sometimes become stupid because of compassionate and mercy and emotional that Allah put in women for reasons (because thats why mum do sacrifice way way more than father (doesnt mean father has not sacrifice) ; no need to justify that) but Allah doesnt want us to hurt ourself and take the blame that we didnt do it. I do respect your wanting to be better however.

I am emotional about this because , I understand the situation as me being a child of broken family ,alhamdulillah, though Allah is extremely nice to me, that He make me learn and save me and may Allah protect me more in future.

So please, always amalkan doa dlm Quran, rabbana hablana min azwajinaa wa zurriyyatina qurratun a'yun, waj a'lna minal muttaqiina imaama. We have to always ask du'a to Allah for protection and qurratun' ayun coolness of the eyes and the heart. And for Ina, inshaAllah Allah akan izinkan cintamu berlabuh pada lelaki yang setianya teguh nanti. inshaAllah ada rezeki Allah will give dont worry.

Thank you for reading this long and just a humble feedback from me. Jzkk.

Diyana Munira said...

When I read about it, I'm super pissed. Yeah. Living skills like cooking, cleaning and stuff are basic stuff should be mastered by everybody regardless but not knowing those stuff ain't a reason for people to cheat yo!

Ada yang kata kalau bangun lambat ni tak sesuai jadi bini. Okay. Waking up late is a vice. My vice too since I spent my weekdays (attempting to) wake up before Subuh since I have to leave for work so I wake up late in the weekends (the older you get, the more you like to sleep). But I observe people in their 40s and 50s, they'd be like, "I don't want my wife to wake up earlier than me! I want her to baring with me and wake up late together!"

My mom sleeps in till late on weekends but she never forgets her responsibility as a mother, daughter, employee and wife. My dad understands her because she works hard on weekdays and her working hours are very strict.

Sadly, not everybody is that lucky.